whew. that was emotionally tiring. but I liked it, a lot.

omg, its coming to an end soon isnt it!

i wonder how you'll rap it all up

Is anything going to go well for Eleanor? So far, everything is going in Umbridge's favor. She succeeds in slandering Eleanor, and gets away with it! I had hoped that this fic would be about someone finally putting Umbridge in her place as a nasty, lying, vindictive Toad who is also a bigot and Evil!

This story really reminds me of some of the sick soap operas they show on daytime TV, which I really loathe.

I'm pretty sure that there would be people at Hogwarts that would find a way to be able to put a stop to Umbridge and expose her to the world for once and for all!

Let's have some positive action here instead of all this misery, and do something about that Evil Toad!

I'm only on the first chapter, and I'm already hooked. Great beginning to what promises to be an excellent story.

It is my goal this week to use the expression "she is one ingredient short of a potion" at least once.

Heather

1) Since when do Muggle Studies teachers get so much attention?

2) Eleanor is a Mary Sue.

3) Her inward thoughts and dialogue are not really that clever.

good chapter, keep on going

great chapter, get the next one up soon, and you even leave it kinda on a cliffie, I HATE cliffies, so hurry up!

hehehe, great job! please keep on going

please keep goin

wow! great story

I love it and hope that you are planning more chapters

Meggiepoo

I like this fic. It's kind of cool you're a teacher, because I'm considering becoming one too. By any chance have you read the book "Bad Girl" by Abigail Vona? It follows a similar storyline to your story here, although the narrator is a student, not a teacher.

Good lord. Erm. Consider two passages in this chapter (7). (The underlines and numberings are mine, obviously, to help match points in the two sections.)

-Here's E talking about herself: "I was a pioneer in the Wizarding World in the field of criminal psychology. [3] I went to America on my own for special training for a year, and this effort has paid off. [1] My most famous exploit is the profile I made of Voldemort two years ago; it was put in an Auror training text in several countries. [1] My diagnosis will be beyond question, and [2] the results will be a career killer for Dolores."

-Now here's E talking about Umbridge: "Dolores is presenting herself as a sociopath personality. She has [1] a grandiose sense of self, and must be at the center of attention at all times. Dolores has [3] a sense of being “entitled” to power, and is using her current position to act as “the long arm” of Cornelius Fudge. She has a lack of remorse from her actions, [2] because of a deep-seated rage toward others. She does not see others around her as human. [2] Through her eyes, people are only targets, or an opportunity to gain power. There are no limits, and she will justify her actions as, “the end justifies the means.”"

_

As it happens, [1] the "grandiose sense of self" is an attribute not just of Umbridge but of Eleanor, who thinks she's really cool. Eleanor also seems to feel [3] that she is entitled to power, even though (in the books) Dumbledore and McGonagall, at least one of whom actually *has* the power (both magical and mental) to put Umbridge in her place, do not do so. They have their reasons. E has to have a *really* good motive for overriding Dumbledore, and she doesn't - she just doesn't like Umbridge, and this dislike sort of morphs into a personal crusade.

It's an interesting idea, by the way, to import some principles from criminal psychology - the problem is that you seem to be slapping them onto the HP world without really considering *the HP world*. You're just considering Eleanor and her coolness. So be careful: it just adds to Eleanor's other "grandiose" behaviour.

The other point [2] is... well, you do say in your intros/author bio that you're writing this to vent. That's fine. But again, Eleanor is attacking Umbridge for being an aggressive megalomaniac who picks on people just to feel important/better about herself. Yet Eleanor is also doing *just that* - that's why you're writing about her at all! She, Eleanor, is the only reason for the story, and for anything that happens in it, and for anything anyone does. Now, I understand you're venting, but in venting you mangle the logic in the books, which doesn't make for good fanfic.

So again... the reader can't help but notice this, but I worry that you haven't... and that you think Eleanor is cool *because she's different from Umbridge*. Really, she isn't - except that she's obviously got less power (which you've subtly taken care of by making her the centre of attention).

I mean, she's even writing a profile of Umbridge! How Umbridge is that? And her motivations seem cribbed from that very profile. Be aware of these things; don't get too carried away by your character's coolness, or the way she fulfills your own wishes. Venting is fine, as long as you keep it in perspective.

You also might want to google the term "Mary Sue". This is a huge can of worms, but the bottom line is that Eleanor is a Mary Sue - even if most people in your story don't like her, she's your way of indulging in your own fantasies and changing various aspects of the book-world to fit them. Don't take this as a personal insult: you're obviously *aware* that you're venting, and that's why you're writing this fic; there's nothing actually wrong with writing Mary Sues. I write Sues all the time. But again, keep it all in perspective.

And maybe you should try writing original fiction rather than fanfic. You clearly have things you want to say. I don't think you're doing justice to the HP-characters and setup by saying them *this* way, but it would potentially be an interesting story if you made up your own setting and characters and let yourself loose on them. See, what I'm hearing in your fic is a bit of an aversion to authority - real life authority, characters of authority in the HP books, etc. - and you, or Eleanor, or both, want to stick it to them. Well, *do* that! You circumvent all authority, real *and* in other people's imagination, by starting from scratch and making up your own story and rules. I think you want to. And that way there won't be reviewers like me slipping in to say that you're out of line with the HP books - more authority, more unreasonable authority! :)

Meh. Look, don't take any of this personally - I'm not attacking *you*. If you want any more suggestions (specific ones about this fic or about stuff in general), or if you'd like to scream at me, I'm contactable through my profile and I'd welcome it. Again, I'm not in this to be bitchy to you. I just think you'd be happier with another medium - and am quite happy to discuss/be proved wrong, if wrong I am.

Best of luck, either way. ;)

Still a very great story. I like all the interactions between the characters. I'll be back to review more, because I'm being kicked off my computer now.

Bye!

Deb-lil

Very cool story. I cant believe I haven't run across it before, as I too am an avid Umbridge-hater. My favorite line was when Eleanor is storming out of office, ten turns round saying, "Oh by the way, Voldermort is back". V V nice.

It's nice to see the raging hatred between Snape and yet another former student. But the ballerina thing WAS priceless...

Tata,

Deb-lil