i read your story and i love it...i especcslly love the ending its so suspense filling. i love the way you write it sends a feeling of suspense and thrill throuhg my body. i also read your story "a new beginning" the ending of that one was amazing i love how you made Yakumo die in that one. anyways your a great writer and with your permission you'll be added to my collection great fanfics... i collect them and introduce them to people at school and work and they get inspred to write

well thanks for giving me a great feeling of thrill and suspense

-Kubvegeta

"you don't need a reason to help people"-Zidane Tribal, Final Fantasy 9

Cool! You've really expressed what you wanted to say, Good Job

Nice plot, nice fanfic. But all the time I was reading your work,

I had a feeling that you searched the dictionary for every (unusual)

word you used on it, and that feeling worsened every time I saw there

were some strange grammar structures. They are small flaws, but it

breaks the normal flowing of the story. Keep your good work.

At least, you avoided commomplace and did an original work.

Good story please write more

Good work! You put nice, elegant description in it, and it genuinely gripped me at parts. Could probably have been longer.

La la LAAAAA! A 3x3 EYES FANFIC! YES YES YES YES YES! And a good one too! Write more!

Actually, when Pai wakes up she thinks she's Pablo(Sp?) and some old people picked her up and treated her as their grand daughter, but this is your story and you can have it however you like. otherwise, it's VERY good! Try adding more descriptions. I know everyone who's reading it knows where the characters are and what they look like, but it adds more depth to the story to have descriptions.