alright... only read like the first 3 words... i remember this story! but its so pretty! foliage... using big words... lololol...chee! :0)

I really, really like it and hope you keep writing! If so update ASAP!

That was really impressive. I like your writing style in that it is extremely descriptive.

One of us (yup thats me!) got carried away in reviewing and made mistakes of my own *embarrasment*. Did not mean Eru or Manwe etc I got my stuff confused due to not reading properly. The sun is actually a female spirit or maia called Arien and the moon is a male spirit Tilion.
My hastiness made a fool of me!

Constructive criticism:
Anar?! Who is this strange fellow?! I think you'll find it's actually the almighty Eru and right now he is probably angry at this imposter Anar chap. Manwe and the Valar crew are probably also most annoyed so maybe you can do some research into Tolkien and change that.
Secondly, elves leave for Valinor when they require healing and rest from the world or when their desire to return to the west has awakened. The two sisters would not have been leaving in the first place if they did not want to.
Stilted conversations, sentences are all too long and rambly, far too much description, very soporous.