Very good. The irony of the narrator's tone toward the Alliance came across very well. For some reason, this style reminded me of the books in the Elders Scrolls games.

I relly enjoyed that it was written as a news report, it was great

Just found this, amazingly captivating.

Enjoyed this immensly.

Hope you get many more reviews because isn't it always nice and shiny to get 'em? :)

~Luc~

Grammar Police Reporting In:
I just read your entry and I have to say I thought it was brilliant. As a student who spends so much time studying English Literature (and Classical Literature, just for the record!) it is so refreshing to read a text that has been written by someone who clearly has a grasp of the English language and how to use it! You put across the plot in an ordered and effective way, making good use of paragraphs, pauses and repetition for effect. Your use of vocabulary is also very impressive: you manage to use uncommon and official-sounding words without degrading the tone, which again is highly commendable! Sometimes people use words which are too high for the level of the rest of the text and, therefore, the tone is distrupted and it's just embarrassing and cringe-making! The only slightly negative thing I'd say was that in about three places your use of syntax is quite strange (what I like to call a 'Yoda Moment'). However, this is not a huge issue, and does not take anything away from the over-all integrity of the piece. It's such a shame that you have to cut it because it really is a successful piece of work.

It doesn't happen often, but I am giving you my professional thumbs-up.

I have read many a novel that is far less well crafted than this.

Well Done!
Gold Star!
Top of the Class!
Keep Up the Good Work!
Additional Generic Statement of Praise!

Honestly though, good work.

And you have the opportunity, maybe you should try to spread the word about the correct use of English. Maybe with informative leaflets. I would appreciate it!

Marianne

I was captivated by every moment of the story Marcus Li told,. And as the tension mounted, as it quickly did, I found my eyes travelling faster and faster over the text. I had to keep reading, take the journey with them...hear of the horrors... and hope the people would manage to get get free.

Excellent, exciting, scary...vivid!

Great stuff...keep up the good work!