Reviews for Dark Wyrd - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Dark Wyrd

CompanionWanderer 2008-05-15 ch 5,	abuseSuch a lot going on here, it makes my head spin. I freely admit that when you start getting into political maneuvering and war strategies it's like I'm reading something in a foreign language, so my reviews in those areas are likely to be expressions of "bwah?" more or less. This is not to criticize the way you write of those things, but just clarifying that my interest does not lie there so it's hard for me to pay attention and keep it all straight. Ah, so we get a little peek into Gwydion's heritage? I like that you've given Math a powerful queen in her own right. And I love that you've brought in Lleu - way to tie in your welsh mythology! But I do feel sorry for poor little Goewin, expected to "comprehend her obligations" in marriage at the age of ten, and then successfully bear a child at twelve. My own midwife would shudder at the thought! I think my favorite new character is Gareth - you've really painted a great picture of him - gruff but likable, a no-nonsense warrior type. And certainly Taran could use a little more formal training in your story, which I think will be far heavier in terms of warfare than the originals. Your handling of Fflewddur's dialog and mannerisms is spot-on, as always, and so is Smoit - that line about gullets in his fist makes me grin. His message to Gwydion is such a sweet touch. It's weird reading scenes dealing directly with Arawn as a character rather than an archetype, but that's your whole point, really, so I'll have to get used to it. You're definitely on your way as far as lining up all these ruthless machinations of his. Did run across some typos - mostly the kind spell-check doesn't catch because they are homonyms of the words you meant - and tense jumping, so be aware of that tendency. Also a few minor punctuational things. If you ever want a beta to tweak stuff like that, I'm available.
CompanionWanderer 2008-03-26 ch 4,	abuseWow, a complete overhaul! I'm speechless! This definitely feels more...serious and well thought-out, overall, than your first draft. Your writing is much more complex and detailed than Alexander's, but that is not a flaw - merely an observation. I, for one, appreciate the filling in of details about character appearances and quirks - of course, I could be rather biased in your favor since your description of Taran is pretty much how I've always imagined him, only with green eyes instead of blue! ;0) I'd be careful on how often you press the point of his "prettiness". We get it, and mentioning it too often only belabors things. Speaking of Taran, he seems far more in-character - serious, moody, conflicted, idealistic, honorable. He still has much to learn, but I'm sure you're getting to that. I do hope, in your quest to make the time period of Taran Wanderer more dramatic than the original, you do not neglect the important character-building that went on there, which was the point of the book. Obviously you're swinging in a wildly different direction, and for an AU that's expected - but granting him the same arc, the same depth, would be great (and a worthy challenge). I appreciate that you've made it clear Eilonwy is on his mind and that he contrasted her with Fiametta mentally. Speaking of Fiametta, she is far more interesting here than before - which may seem counterintuitive since we've seen so little of her, but I daresay it's the aura of mystery that's intriguing. Don't give away too much too quickly where she is concerned. Your writing is superb, as always - you are adept at setting and pacing, and your dialog is spot-on for each character. Your plot is very complex, to the point where I am becoming confused over all these details of other cantrevs and leaders and characters - but I'm sure you have a plan to tie all these loose ends together, and meanwhile the complexities of war strategery are things I have trouble getting my head around anyway, regardless of what I'm reading. Excellent work! And welcome back...
Unknown Princess 2007-02-10 ch 3,	abuseLol! I really enjoyed reading your fanfic...I might noy be the best person to hear it from but I still thought I'd tell you that I liked it!
CompanionWanderer 2006-09-04 ch 2,	abuseAh! An update! An interesting turn of events. I agree with pseudoanonymous that there's a little bit of deviation from the Prydainian "feel" as far as inserting modernisms - with Fiametta, it's more understandable since you've brought her in from elsewhere, but it was quite jarring to have Taran blurting out things like "the lord of hell's hairy **" - very OOC for him, since normally his speech is quite formal (possibly too much so, and maybe that's what you're trying to get around, but if what you want is to contrast him with Fiametta's brash personality, it would be more effective and in character to have him shocked by her language than matching its colorfulness). Fiametta's an interesting character, but it's rather odd that Taran just lets her join him without a fuss. I mean, the whole point of his journey is self-discovery and he would know she would be a distraction - not to mention he should be battling his conscience over traveling with a young woman clearly interested in him when he's supposed to be pining for Eilonwy - and be prepared for accusations of Mary-Sueness if she does become a true rival for his affections. As a suggestion only, you might consider having her tail him discreetly, and then show up somewhere in the wilderness demanding that they travel together. Such mischief would suit her personality, and Taran would be too honorable to strand a young woman in the woods, whatever his personal qualms. You could even throw in some reference to Eilonwy's having done something similar in The Black Cauldron, just to add to his annoyance. But again, just an idea. I love how you've portrayed Smoit - I imagined him just that way. And you've got Gurgi's dialogue down pat. I know this review is way-critical, but I'm a canon-nazi, so I'm bound to be critical of AU in any case. Make of it what you will! We all have differing priorities in fic writing, after all. Hope to see the updates continue. :)
pseudanonymous 2006-08-31 ch 2,	abuseGlad to see you've updated - pickings are slim on the Prydain front, I find. One thing that concerned me about this chapter though is that it's very twenty-first century in its language and imagery - Fiametta's dress, language and demeanour are rather that of an emo-goth that a Mediaeval (or earlier!) enchantress. This isn't the case throughout, however, as many areas of this chapter are indeed promising. If you would like any help with beta-reading or sorting out grammatical errors, by all means give me a shout. :)
SilkenPetal 2006-06-02 ch 1,	abuseWhat is with this lack of updates, it is an interesting beginning and it is just cruel to leave us at such a place, please update.
pseudanonymous 2006-03-22 ch 1,	abuseA nice beginning to what looks like a promising story. I do hope that you continue with it; being left in suspense like this is so unfair. ;)
CompanionWanderer 2006-02-21 ch 1,	abuseWow, this was hard to find. I love Prydain fanfic, but stumbled upon this much by accident. If I may venture a suggestion, you might think about moving this to the "Lloyd Alexander" category rather than "misc. books", and make sure you use "Prydain" in your summary so that those who search using that keyword can find it. You likely haven't gotten any reviews yet because nobody knows it's here - the Prydain fandom is small but loyal, and you'd have readers if they knew about you. I know how hard it is to keep going on a fic if you think nobody's reading it, and you haven't updated yet, so maybe you've lost interest, but I do hope you take this as encouragement and continue. About the story: I can sympathize with your feelings on The High King, although I do love the book, and I hope you continue this fic, because I'm intrigued. Certainly you've captured personalities well - Smoit and Gurgi are very well done, and I look forward to seeing how you develop Taran's character in your AU, and what your own vision is for the Great Climactic Conflict. :) Again, please continue. Prydain deserves more of a fandom than it has, and the fact that most fic on it is book-based generally means that the writing is higher quality than most.

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