It's pretty well written and your voice is pretty consistent in here, which is good. But I find it a little too optimistic and factually bare-boned to be a plausible alternate ending. John returns to the reservation, and all of a sudden, he's got an army capable of taking down the World-State? It's a little out there. You can fix this by adding in more detail about the advances in plot.

All in all, it's pretty well written. Just iron out the details more, so the changes you made are clearer, less drastic, and more plausible.

Happy writing! :)

Texty Monster,

Critics United

Of course everybody would like to see Lenina and John end up together, and I'm not sayibng it couldn't be done. However, this fic moves way too fast. It starts out well enough with the two of them discussing what John is going to do. But then it just rushes along through several weeks and months and finally a handful of Savages can overthrow the perfectly organised world state? And in some 300 words, too? Come, that's a bit rich! And how do you iomagine all those conditioned Alphas, Betas, ... to just play along with the new ways? It would need a whole book to get all that across.

And of course Mustapha is most certainly not the villain you make him! He sacrifices his own happiness for that of others, adfter all...

brave new world is one of my favourite books ever . . . but i like your ending better than the original. however much i luv futuristic philoshy,i luv happy endings where people actually get love more. incidently,my other favourit book is gone with the wind. anyway,i luved it. ive always wished lenina and john could get together in the end. and ur version makes lenina more intelligent cos in the book shes kind of dumb (this is a good thing) x

Happy Ending that is nice to read after reading the book and being so thoroughly depressed. As much as I love it I realize how little practicality is in it and how much of an alteration you made to Bernard's speech patterns though - that kinda confused me. I still love it - do keep writing.

Wow...This was lovely.

This was awesome, i read this book a few weeks ago, and happened to find your work, and i do rather enjoy the idea of this ending. If you ever were thinking about doing more writing like this, i think you should try and expand as much as possible onto this plot, whether it be before or after the take over. But kudos to your work and your writing

-Cloud

Drefgart! Snizwit! Fear the burning sorbet! Yifga! Its powers are beyond all licking! Opiriot! Qiopa! Mushrooms, close the blinds. Coathangers, dance along! Liwerc! Echelon! Where angels go, trouble follows on neon orange rollerskates! Bumpus!

Not badly written. The ending we would have liked to see, at least from a human perspective, if not from a literary perspective.

Huxley's ending is not entirely devoid of hope, though. I'd like to think that there were signs that some of these things you have written here could have come to pass anyway - if not for John, obviously, then for the others.

Nice work.

A little pat and simplistic, but it really is how most of us would have liked to see it end. It betrays a certain lack of understanding of the book, but there's no law against wishful thinking. As narrative-heavy stories go, it's fairly respectable.

Okay...

I liked it (especially the bit about technology never replacing God or Shakespeare), but I think the ending of the book should stand. It really hits home the theme.

Good, but loses the effect of the original analogic ending. Why would anyone choose to bear their own kids? IT HURTS LIKE HELL!

I like this ending a whole lot better than Huxley's. I just finished reading Brave New World and I was disappointed at John, but this is so much better. THANK YOU!

pretty good, albiet unrealistic to the tone of the book.

I think I prefer this ending rather than the one in the book. John is put to better use than just hanging himself. I enjoyed this :)