I see this has not changed. It is still awkward in its flow and structure. I could suggest a couple of sites that explain poetry.

I read this on your other site- I'm sorry, forgot which- but I meant to say How much I loved it!! Great work!! I love how you can write and translate elvish!

what is this? is it just like a random thing that you wrote? it's not a fanfic in any way and torog back at ya doll

Umm...what can I say..oh yea...I find it pretty cool that you made a poem in elvish...and it helped that you included the translation...though I do find the lines somewhat...weird and...well, it's just that you stop and begin a sentence in the same line...you're not really supposed to do that in real poetry, but-whatever floats your boat I guess...
-Ty and Creep
PS-I didn't really like ow you said "stop writing lotr fanfictions now" to me in an old reveiw for "The Faery Representative"...you really can't tell me what to do. How would you like it if I said that to you? Huh?? (I'm now making that story into a original story, but it won't be pested on FP for a while-and NO you were NOT the cause of it...fanfiction was, they deleted my accout because some stupid arse reported something, and they didn't even send me an e-mail about why...stupid arse)

so pretty. i like. Write more poems like this me need see more elvish stuff like this YAY!
Kalle

This is interesting, and much better constructed than your other stories. However, the syntax is off. And, your form could use restructuring. With poetry, the lines should be more tailored.

"Your feet bloomed fair
Upon the snow.
Your fingers, you opened
To catch the winter's river.
My arms sought there to keep you,
Yet, you flowed out.
In this sad tale,
I clutched naught but water."

You should not end sentences in the middle of a line.
Now, knowing that I know nothing of elvish, I do find a few of your lines awkward. In the first line, why do you use bloomed? What image are you trying to convey? Is this a song about fishing, as your summary implies, or about lovers, as the actual poem hints at. This has great potential and needs little work for your return. All in all, it is a good read. I am truly pleased.