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| Sailor Star Mars 2005-11-25 ch 1,  | abuseCool story. |
| Lloyd Marshall 2005-09-20 ch 1, | abuseI really think this is good, and hope you contiue, oh I sent you an email. :) |
| Pathwarden 2005-09-20 ch 1, | abuseHm. Before you go postal, I must remind you that I'm not familiar too much with the entirety of the lore you base this on. However, you wanted me to look at this, and thus I shall look at it. :P You had a good first sentence, very dramatic. But I felt the implied drama of its connotations were cut short, for you went into your lengthy flashback before you could really develop the emotions of the character's fall. You establish a consistent pace throughout the story, and there is little in the way of grammatical errors and whatnot. Your style is very expository. I know this is supposed to be the final reflections of a character, but there would've been a greater impact of those emotions, in my opinion, if you had actual scenes of character interaction from her POV instead of just the character's personal summary. You know, with dialogue? It would give the character a chance to react in front of the readers as it happens, rather than force her to droll on as though she was reading a diary. The kind of story you did here, in my opinion, has potential, and you clearly have some experience under your belt. But your decision in its length and style blunted somewhat the sentimental impact you most likely sought. First-person narratives aren't easy to pull off at all, though. Keep at it. You do have the means to succeed. |
| LokiLeysmith 2005-09-20 ch 1, | abuseThis is a nice story. I always thought that Lead Crow and Aluminum Siren were fairly close. It was heartbreaking to watch first Siren, then Lead Crow die in Sailor Stars. Good job. |
| X00001 2005-09-20 ch 1, | abusegreat chapter i feel sorry for the both of them |