   scryoko
2008-03-10 . chapter 14Alright, so I agree. The ending was absolutely cheesy and corny and, with respect to the diehard code of conduct within against me that is strictly against all things cheesy and corny, sappy and cliche, I rolled my eyes in some areas and nearly gagged in others. *grin*
Okay, so I only have mean that. *laugh*
Hm... you know, I think if you incorporated more of Richard and Raven's witty bantering and teasing, that would have even been better as it definitely shows - through actions - just how comfortable they are with each other - just like how they were before. Only, this time, throw in the kisses and whatnot and it shows they their relationship has changed - for the better, of course. (But okay, it really could just me preferring an antithesis to cheesy and corny situations than anything that is just stating that suggestion. *cough*)
But really, I absolutely enjoyed reading this story. I am so ecstatic to have found a RobRae story that is well-written (both prose and dialogue are great!), depicts character portrayal well, plays on relationships and interactions of said relationships even better, and the plot is good too. Hm... actually, the only (other?) thing I'm a bit disappointed in is that it kind of seems that Raven's father's disease was something that was fairly significant in the story. And I'm sad to see that it didn't quite play a part in the end (even if only a little). The problem seemed to be solved (or at the very least, get dissolved) once Raven finds out the truth about her father's condition. I think perhaps if you incorporated that a little bit into the epilogue would have been good. Actually, that makes me also think of Roy. I think he kind of needs an epilogue too (since we get some for Kori).
I'm sorry if it seems like I'm picking the story apart - that really is not my intention as I do tremendously enjoy reading this story - but I guess I noticed little bits and pieces of the story that perhaps needs to be wrapped up (if not resolved). Really, there are a lot of highlights to this story. I love the way you express Raven and Richard's emotions throughout this fic - their despair, the confusion, the acceptance. I especially loved Richard's confusion - that was done exceptionally well, I think - and Raven's pain - so deep, so heartwrenching, so twistedly beautiful. I remember that scene where Raven tried to tell Richard how she truly feels but they get interrupted by Kori who knocks on the door. Hm... others may argue that this seems so cliche in movies ("Yes, how coincidental that the 'heroine' gets interrupted every time she tries to tell the 'hero'") but you know, **, believe it or not... that bloody well happens in real life (no matter how much that sucks, but, yeah). Really loved that scene; my heart just twisted as I read that. And really, loved how you ended the chapter there; perfect ending, which only goes to emphasize the anguish that Raven feels during this scene. So really, a truly amazing story. |
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