I wish that there were a greater variety of words able to be pressed into service to describe the elegant construction of a muzzle. Having to resort to "snout" always brings me pain.

Introducing two incredibly powerful characters in the space of one short chapter is a little too much for me. I can't point out precisely what I think may be amiss with this chapter, but I feel as if it's somehow listing to starboard. Could you have either the demon or the dragon step over to the other side of the chapter, please?

I am not helpful this morning! I apologize!

I have always enjoyed the way that your writing flows in a manner similar to that of a friendly conversation. That style, be it intentional or accidental, makes your stories almost addictive. It is easy to devour large servings of your writings at a single sitting.

It looks as if wonderful document interface has managed to rape one of your italic tags early on in the first chapter of this story. I'm also distracted by the part of the chapter where Freya encounters a "grove/boulder/other large obstacle". Hitting those slashes in the text is like hitting a solid wall. It stops me cold. I know that you intended that sentence to be just as it appears, but I'd like to declare war on your slashes.

It is good to see Freya musing and complaining to herself in silence! I always have her simply thinking, and that is boring.

I'll try to finish chapter two before sleep claims me. (4:39AM!)