Oh, wow...uh, i don't know how to say this, but your Aries...is a Sue and a self insertion.

X( I'm pretty sure you've heard all this before, but characters that have NO flaws, are paired with one of the characters and they love them instantly...yeah, it's what turns people off from stories...and instantly knowing all the Scoobies secrets??

Maybe if you started over with a more...interesting and believable character, then this fic might work.

RunningStorm

...wow... haven't seen a Mary Sue this bad in a while. But I'm sure you've heard that quite a bit already ;)
I'm actually reviewing to tell you that, although I don't really like your story, I'm impressed with your use of grammar and sentence structure. From what I can tell, you've got a future in fic writing - you're at least spending some time and effort on your work.

My main suggestion would be to start your own story - this way, with no competition from the real main characters (like Buffy), your character is free to be a little less awsome and a little more real - while still maintaining the center focus of the story.

*sigh* And I'm going to tell you right now - DO listen to people like Hellcop and DON'T listen to people like 'NONA' and even your friend Christy. You're going to have to accept that people will bash your work, good or bad (just look at the slasher community for that ^.~) and no, you shouldn't let that stop you from writing. But they're not always "bashing" or "flaming" you - a lot of them have been around for a while and can offer you pretty good advice - don't ignore constructive criticism, it's good for you.
People like 'NONA,' (who doesn't seem to understand how irritating YELLING ALL THE TIME is and can't grasp the concept of comma marks) are the ones that are going to damage you in the long run.

p.s. Saa...work on the British accent or get rid of it, yeah? I'd recommend re-watching the episodes to get a feel of the way Spike speaks, but for now:

Bloody - One of the most useful swear words in English. Mostly used as an exclamation of surprise i.e. "bloody hell" or "bloody nora". Something may be "bloody marvellous" or "bloody awful". It is also used to emphasise almost anything, "you're bloody mad", "not bloody likely" and can also be used in the middle of other words to emphasise them. E.g. "Abso-bloody-lutely"! Americans should avoid saying "bloody" as they sound silly.

(Kind of used the way we use '**,' as far as I've seen!)

ahem. *accepts award for the longest review in history*

Is there a point to this total Sue coming to Sunnydale other than making Buffy look like a total *bitca* and making out with Spike? Oh, sorry, it's William, now.

They've known her for five minutes, and Riley invites her to sleep at his house? Why does she mock Spike's accent? Although, considering he says bloody something and love all the time, I can understand it. Come here, love. Sit down, love. We've both got hidden sides, love, so just slit your veins open, love, and drain your blood into a nice cup, love, so I can drink it, love. Bloody marvellous, love.

Congratulations. In one short chapter, you have not only completely failed in making me care about the story, you have also made me want to inflict a horrible curse on your OC. Beautiful, great figure, self-assured, strong (stronger than the Slayer), Spike goes from loving Buffy to being infatuated with this new person he's never seen before in 3.2 seconds...And she knows all their dark secrets. You don't like someone like that. You want to smack them. And before anyone says "you don't like it, don't read it", let me point out that I have no way of knowing if I like it unless I read it. Unless this picks up in the next chapter, you have lost a reader. It might. I'm not saying it doesn't have the potential to become less hair-pullingly horrible. Just as long as your OC isn't goddamn perfect! Good points: The spelling, grammar and paragraphing.

Pathetic, Hellcop is absolutely correct, this sucks. Ow, ow, ow. I have not seen such a Mary Sue since 'Circle of Enchantment'. Though this worse. Congratulations. And I really don't care if you, your friends, your sister, or your dog flames me, I have never been flamed before and I'm quite looking forward to it.

testing

You seem like a good writer, but your main character smacks of mary-sue-ness. Black belt in martial arts? Powerful witch? Stronger than the slayer? Guy instantly falls in love with her? It's rather unrealistic.

I finally read your story. It was . . . interesting, so unlike other stories for Buffy the Vampire Slayer that I have read. It was a good story though, and I want to find out what happens next. I do still have some questions though, but I will ask you those at school. I really liked alot of parts about it. See ya.

And now we have the standard connection to a established villain bit. Is there any self-insertion cliche you're planning on not using?

Ah, the absurdly tragic past part of your standard Mary Sue story. I was wondering when you'd get to that. Surprisingly, this wasn't as overly angsty or or "Oh, pity me, please," as I was expecting. Points for that, I suppose.

Yay! I really like this story Tabs. Sorry it took me sooo long to read it all. Keep writing, and don't listen to those people who review just to bash people. It's only so they can feel better. Bravo!

All right, Aries! Christy, aren't you going to type more of this story? Aries, what's with the long wait between this chapter and the next? Need more ideas? Just mail me, I have some. By the way, I absolutely love this story!!!!!!!!

Hey Aries, you should take any kind of crap from anyone. Especially the hell-whoever the hell he is. Haha. Oooo...he could end up being our victim in the Pyro story...
Note to the annoying hellcop: back off and leave my sister alone!!! By the way, it's not healthy to flame Pyros. ~The Now Truly ** Goddess of the Destructive and Illuminating Forces of Fire

Well, well, sister. I don't have to read all the story since I've read most of it at school. True, we will have to do the Pyro story soon. Esa, you and I need to get together,possibly with Kristy also, and work on it. Hmmm...found our fourth writer...I got the Pyro pictures developed. Hehehe...later. Ana @>===^==