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| Selin74 2006-12-12 ch 3,  | abuseTo be honest I stopped reading at chapter 3. The narrative is juvenille (if you are a teenager, then take heart you are writing at an appropriate level) That aside I'd suggest trying to make the dialogue more clear, who is saying what to whom. Too often you try to use the 'voice' of the person so we know whom you are talking about, but it's not quite clear enough. Not meant to be discouraging at all! Keep writing, it will only get better |
| thekiller00 2006-12-12 ch 35, | abuseThat was a great post ! I am glad that Ryan and Marissa's talk went so well ! I can't wait to see what happens next ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! |
| RJMoonspell4 2006-12-12 ch 35, | abusegood psot I'm glad that Marissa told Kirsten and Ryan. RJ |
| alexa75034 2006-12-02 ch 34, | abusereally good... post soon cant wait to see what happens with marissa and kirsten...so post soon!! |
| BlueDepths 2006-11-30 ch 34, | abuseHey, good last couple of chapters, though I'm suprised that Ryan seem to take the rape attempt easily. I hope you get all secrets out in the open, they need a fresh start. Before you start something more dramatic. |
| Mbartonlover 2006-11-28 ch 34, | abusewow great post..love it...I cant wait to see what happens next with Kirsten and Marissa,,pls post soon |
| thekiller00 2006-11-28 ch 34, | abuseThat was a great post ! I am glad that Marissa is going to tell the cops about the attempted rape ! I can't wait to see the Kirsten and Marissa confrontation ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! |
| RJMoonspell4 2006-11-28 ch 34, | abuseGood post Why don't they take Ryan with her when she goes to tell the story. i guess Ryan needs to proof to her how much she means to him. and i think a good way would be him talking about his past. |
| thekiller00 2006-11-13 ch 33, | abuseThat was a great chapter ! I have no problem with you using an idea I said in my review, thats the reason I said it ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! |
| Mbartonlover 2006-11-13 ch 33, | abusegreat post...I love it..pls post soon |
| RJMoonspell4 2006-11-13 ch 33, | abusegood post RJ |
| BlueDepths 2006-11-10 ch 32, | abuseI finally caught up to the last chapter! I didn't realize you'd updated that much. Lots of things have happened. I just hope you give Ryan and Marissa a break, so they can have some carefree time to themselves, just being Ryan and Marissa. |
| thekiller00 2006-11-06 ch 32, | abuseThat was a great post ! I am glad that Marissa told Ryan what happened while she was held hostage ! I just hope there isn't any drama for a while or someone is liable to go nuts ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! POST AGAIN ASAP ! |
| IplayedInTraffic 2006-11-05 ch 32, | abuseI really like this. update soon! |
| Mbartonlover 2006-11-05 ch 32, | abusegreat post...love it...please post soon |