This is a very nice story. Although I do agree that it is a little too formal.
I liked how you portray Freya. She seems to be in character, (but then again, my judgement of her IC is different than others ^^) and it looks like you're also providing a background of her and the Burmecians. Nicely done!^_^
Wow, this "construtive critism" is harder than I thought. I also sound weird too...
Eiko: Tell me about it!X_X
But ignoring that, just one question: Will any of the other characters make an apperance, or is this just about Freya? It doesn't have to have the others, I'm just curious!^^
Anyways, update soon!^_^

One of the most ironic things I find about reading and reviewing stories on this site, or just in general is that the people who welcome criticism are the ones it's hardest to criticize.

So, I suppose what I should do is try to explain my impressions of this story, in hopes that saying exactly what I liked about your writing will help you improve.

That is to say, I enjoyed this story, even if I'm not much of a fan of horror or ghost type stories. Your tone regarding the description of events and the way the dialogue is written suits the genre of an old-fashioned ghost story. In most other cases, it might be a bit too pretentious for my liking, but for this story it works.

Please write more of your Burmecian stories. I thoroughly enjoy them.

Dagas Isa