It seems our little miss Liddel is not quite so little anymore...still, I had surely thought that her time in Wonderland would have...freed her from the dark constraints. Still, her expiriences were sure to leav some kind of mark...

That is the most amazing story I've read...more, please! I actually can't wait!!the way you write is...fantastic; you've really captured the way Alice should be...if you get my meaning...please carry on!!

Interesting. American Mc'Gee's Alice meets Call of Duty.

Gotta say, the first chapter had me interested, the second had me a bit put off.

Although I thought the pace was a little bit speedy, I very much loved the dialogue between Jeremy and Alice in chapter 1. It gave it a sort of black and white 'Sin City' kind of vibe that was very appealing, but in the second chapter, it turned into all out warfare that was even more fast paced than the first chapter.

When I say fast paced, I mean that too much time goes on in the span of words that you use. There are many occasions when you very flatly indicate that a certain amount of time has passed, when many of those times could be used to develop the characters to a much greater detail (and keep in mind that not everyone has played the game, including myself, so I don't actually know what all these characters look like. Describing the characters intricately even if you already know what they look like can really create a distinct writing style that people will appreciate and separate from other people's story, rather than it just being another 'alice', 'cheshire cat', etc.) I think your decision to leave out the 'sex scene' was a very good one, though.

Sorry for the ridiculously long response. It's just the way I am. I do like the story, especially when it comes to the bits of dialogue between the two main characters, as well as many of the others. When you describe new characters of your own creation, you do an excellent job. Just make sure that every large character gets that sort of treatment.

Keep on writing!
-Evanlicious

Awesome...Continue!

Cool.