i love the last biti cant stop lafing

“Gorramit Jayne! Who are you and what have you done with my mercenary?” hehe, great opening line that one! this fic made me laugh and smile at the cuteness! Loved it!

Ah. First he gets the kitten, and then he ensures its place among the crew. Jayne really is a softy underneath. I love how each chapter perfectly achieves its purpose. “Jayne’s a girl’s name” That line never gets old!

Hehehnice rules...

Here I go again, essentially telling you nothing other than the fact that your stories are awesome, you write very well, your characterizations floor me, and your dialogue amazes.

I suppose however that it doesn't feel /too/ bad to get the occasional review of extreme, unpared by intelligence, coherence or suaveness, joy...

In conclusion:

XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

This one has Chinese!

And...hee!

I love the beagle joke. I would love it more if it were shrimp, but somehow the thought that the beagle has survived 500 years into a future that has receded to the Old West is just...funny. Like your story.

“Is that fleabag yours?” Mal asks impatiently.

“Jayne belongs to himself,” she replies, “but the furball is owned.”

That KILLS me! I'm loving these stories! it's FluffyJayne! Aw... need more!

aw *giggles*

Good story. Ain't got time for a full review right now. But you should know: Ariel is the planet where Jane betrayed Simon and River. Osiris is the planet where Simon went to medical school (the best medic-ed(sp) on Osiris).

Aw. Somehow I can just about picture Jayne with a kitten!

Very cute story. I actually like the interaction between River and Jayne. It's not sexual, which I really appreciate. I hate when people take what could be a perfectly good friendship and feel like they have to turn it into something romantic. This doesn't cut out the possibility of romance, but it doesn't quite get there.

Everyone is very in character, and although typing out dialect too much annoys the hell out of me (it's very "let me beat you over the head with the way they talk" (I am perfectly capable of pronouncing the dialogue the way that the characters would pronounce them, not everything needs to be spelled out)), you didn't overdo it too much.

I have two suggestions. The first is small: get a second beta reader. There are several puncutational mistakes that detract from the overall reading experience (they're distracting) and could very easily be fixed.

My second suggestion is to not write a story like this in present tense. Present tense isn't a default narrative style, it's usually used for very specific reasons, such as needing to make the action and emotions feel extremely immediate. This kind of fluff (I mean fluff in a good way - I really did like the story) would work much better in past tense.

Oh yeah, also, watch the passive verbs. Instead of "Kaylee is nodding" or "Mal is looking" use "Kaylee nods" and "Mal looks".

Keep up the writing!

That was funny! With all the dismal fanfics that come out it is refreashing to read somethign that captures the characters voices so well. I could visualize every word. WELL DONE!

Great short story!

Amusing and in character!

This was really cute. Great job!

That was so cute. I can't wait to read your next one.