Oh, an assasin! Gabriella failed and she doesn't want to kill Wonka, so why doesn't he get her into a guest room? Anyway, great story!

love it please continue

awesome story. I really like the plot & the OC character. I can't wait 2 read more of this. =D

I don't want to come across offensive, but your beta missed a few things.

If someone falls to the floor, the word is 'fell' She fell to the floor. Felt is in reference to an emotion and and not an action. As an example, 'I felt horrible in having to say that.' (Past tense of 'to feel')
~
'A few seconds later she could see from under the bed Willy’s shoes, and she knew it because she could observe a W in each one.'

Is the W inside the shoe? no it's 'on' the shoe. Articles are a pain in the neck, I know.
~
'...giving no noise, and once she was behind Willy she put the gun to behind his head, her finger was on the trigger.'

Although 'giving no noise' is gramatically correct, a better usage would be: 'making no noise'.
~
“I listened to you the first time, you don’t have to shout”

Generally, the statement is 'I heard you the first time...' While this is gramatically OK, to a native speaker, it comes across somewhat strange.
~
'How was possible that he was calm even when I have a gun behind his head?'

Another article, to have something behind someone is OK, but generally when someone is referring to weapons, they say 'a gun to his head'.
~
Willy attempt to walk towards the door but she stops him.

Are you in past or present tense? You've been writing it in past tense and then you zing us with present tense. 'Willy attempted to walk towards the door, but she stopped him.'
~
'...was Slugworth? Or am I wrong?'

You are missing a word...Was it Slugworth?
~
'that old wart flood with the vulture face'

Huh? That makes no sense. Maybe you are referring to a frog with a vulture's face? I have no idea, very vague imagery here.
~
'He said to her in a very high voice tone.'

high voice tone? Perhaps it could be a high pitched voice.
~
'She said to him, very confuse.'

Confused.
~
'They had in their hands some kind of balls which began to throw at her, those balls hit her body so hard that it was like if they hit her with a baseball bat.'

...those balls hit her body so hard it felt as if they had hit her with a baseball bat.

Or.

those balls hit her body so hard that if was like being hit with a baseball bat.

Here's hoping this helps, there are a couple more, but these are generally issues that your beta reader should have caught. The story still reads somewhat choppy, but I can understand what you are presenting here. Interesting idea, I wonder what will happen next.

Great story! I love the plot line. Don't worry about your English; you are developing the story in a way I find very enjoyable.

I think its great you are even writing this when its not your second language. I can still understand the storyline with the mistakes (not that its alot or crazy or anything LOL).

Keep it up! Please more!

Oh I like your idea with this fic. I was thinking of writing something similar but all my plot bunnies have died *shrugs*

It's so refreshing to read a CATCF fic, both because I haven't read one in a while and I just came back from watching Sweeney Todd...that's right.

A tip though; your chapters are quite short, try merging two together and that will be a proper length for one chapter =)

Yay! I like this fic!Kill!XD!

Super quick question: Is this W.W. from the original or the remake with Johnny Depp?^-^

OH YEAH, can I be your beta?

Did you name your O.C., I don't remember if you did or not.

Update soon!

D.D.

OMG ! Willy reminds me of Road-Runner ! xD
You'll NEVER kill him ! It's impossible !
Great story, I'll keep an eye on it =D
Good luck ! >u

I haven't heard from you in awhile. Remember me? Well, I'm so happy you updated this story since it's the only one in English.

This is really a great story, suspenseful with a very interesting Other Character. I am impressed with your storywriting abilities (I only wish my Spanish was adequate enough to read your other works).

Oh well, if you need someone to beta, I could volunteer, although I have had bad experiences with beta readers in the past. I could try and correct the outstanding grammatical problems if you need some assistance. Just PM.

Otherwise, this is really a good effort here, and I hope more people read and review it.

You have a nice start with this and since English is your second language I'm quite impressed with your taking on the challenge of writing and presenting this. I tried this with German (my second language) and it was harder than I assumed possible, so I can imagine that you have the same problems taking on such a weird language as this. My compliments.

That said, and speaking constructively, in this first chapter there are several mistakes with tense going on, you sometimes use the root word instead of putting it in past tense (with -ed at the end), or forget adding the 's' at the end of the word to make it a plural.

"I don't see how it matter..."

It should read, 'I don't see how it matters...'.

This is really small stuff, but I have to say that you write better than some people who actually have English as a mother language.

Contrary to the little grammatical issues, you have a wonderful start to a story that looks to be quite interesting. I will definitely continue reading it, but I must admit that I have to get beyond some fo the words and grammar issues as they are still present, although small.

At the same time, I really liked your choice of wording in several places. The use of 'eliminate' is very effective here, sort of leaves the impression without actually coming out and saying that Slugworth wants to murder Willy Wonka. That's clever.

If you need anything more specific from me regarding the story or this review, just send me a PM. If what I'm saying is hard to understand, then let me know, I'll be happy to clear up the confusion (if any). When I stop and consider how I had a lot of really great people help me when I wrote my first German story, it's nice to pass that help along. :)

Yva J.

dun dun dun!! suspenseful! update soon!

ooh! this is very interesting, update soon! I hope Willy doesn't die!

Hay! This is great, and very interesting! Thanks for posting the story in English! I can't wait to read more :)

muy bien!