BORED TO LOGIN...
ANYWAY HOW ABOUT MAKING TENCHI TO OBTAIN ALL THE ABILITIES OF THE ENEMIES HE DEFEATS AND ALSO HE SHOULD HAVE ALL THE OROCHI POWERS OF PRESENT AND PAST KING OF FIGHTERS (YASHIRO,SHERMIE,CHRIS,GEINTZ,OROCHI,LEONA,HEIDERN...)THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY HE COULD NOT CONTROL HIS POWER AT THE SITUATION!

I HOPE TO SEE THE END OF THIS STORY.
WHICH TEAM HE WOULD ENTER?

DEFENDER: LEONA,RALF,CLARK,TENCHI
HEAVEN GALE: KING,MAI,K'DASH,TENCHI
DYING FLAME: IORI,KYO,TENCHI,KAGURA

I HOPE THE OTHERS WOULD GIVE THEIR OPTIONS ABOUT THE TEAM OF TENCHI KUNASAKI!

Hm...it looks like you have the basic idea for a good story, but the execution is a little off. There are jsut a few things that were obvious as I skimmed though it.

For the first four chapters, you should probably repost them so they aren't written in bold. The fifth chapter isn't written in bold, so the other chapters shouldn't be either. For characters talking in the beginning of the story, you write it like you were writing a book, but later on, you switch to more of a script-type presentation. Example:

"I walked to the store," King said. (like in chapter one)
vs.
King: I walked to the store (like in the later chapters)

You might want to choose one or the other just for consistency thoughout the story.

There are a few spelling errors here and there, as well as punctuation and captialization errors. Some proofreading will fix that though.

The dialogue seems a little stiff and awkward at times, but you'll fix that through experience.

Overall, I think that you may have a good idea for a good story. Work on those msaller points, and I'm sure you'll get the reviews you're looking for.

Hey, wheres the rest of the story? Keep typing!! I want more!! I love the Ikari Warriors team. By the way, heidern is the correct spelling of the name, no offense.

hey a pices of art

Great Work!! By the way, Kings Bar is in Southtown and in another story, its called the La Illusion Bar. The Ikari warriors are on point in this story. I like Ralf being the leader instead of Leona. PLEASE CONTINUE!! I'm in suspense right now.