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Reviews For: Once Apon A Time

Lela-of-Bast
2005-12-30
ch 3,
abuseI think this is pretty good. I am one of a very small amount of people who like Kel-Cleon. If you want to read my story called "Book Two of Keladry, Lady Knight" it's KC. I just try to ignore the flamers. My story, my pairing, right?

Anyways, good luck with your plotbunnies!
Pink Squishy Llama
2005-12-28
ch 3,
abuseUm, I like it. Um...Kill Cleon muhahahahhahahaha
Ace Ryn Knight
2005-12-28
ch 2,
abuseFirstly, hange the 'did not want to know' to 'didn't want to know', the 'not' disrupts the flow of the story.

Secondly, don't throw in added details in ()s, its un professional and uncreative. At least try to make it mesh with the rest of the text.

Thirdly, the woman Cleon was supposed to marry, her name was Ermelian of Aminar. The difference in names is small yes but at least try to show you did some research before starting the story.

Forthly, no a/ns in the middle of the story, its annoying and unprofessional. Readers want to read a story and get into it, not hear what the author has to say about it.

Fifthly, you misspelled Finally in the second to last paragraph.
Doodle033
2005-11-03
ch 2,
abuseWrite more PLease! :-D
Equestrienne Dreams
2005-10-21
ch 1,
abuseNO! KELCLEON NEEDS TO DIE!Now replace the word 'Cleon' with 'Dom' and we'll have something...
when fantasy kills
2005-10-19
ch 1,
abuseHey i like chicken and ya this dude above me is wierd so typo ya uhh bye now
Shar-dono
2005-10-12
ch 1,
abuseThis has potential. Two technical crits, though:
1. "they're" =/= "their"
2. don't insert your own comments into the middle of the story. It breaks the flow of narrative. Leave them at the top or bottom of the page, seperate from the actual text of the story. If the comments are related to certain parts of the story, use footnotes.
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