That was so sweet and just about how I would think Balmung would be with his girlfriend( when ever they give him one in the maanga/vidiogame)

Wow.. That was.. so nice..

You've turned me into a Balmung fan.

First, separate your story from the pre-thingy. The disclaimer and summary and all that. 'S a bit hard to tell apart otherwise.

Again, great one-shot. I'm puzzled as to why you've posted all these at once, but that's not my business anyway. There are a few issues to work out, all detailed in my review for Trapped. Kayane isn't so much a Mary Sue this time, but the issue with connection to the .hack universe is back in force. The situations you're describing -- Italian restaurants, holding hands in public, buying jewelry -- aren't ones that you can find in The World. So why are they still using their game names? Even if they met in The World, if these two are already sleeping together, one would think they'd graduated to using one another's real names.

Ah. Here we go: third paragraph, sentence starting with "No parading". That sentence makes zero sense. Something's wrong with your grammar there, but I'll be damned if I can pinpoint what it is.

Anyway, it's a relief that there's at least one writer in this part of that has no serious, ongoing problems with conventions. Spelling and grammar and all that. But I'm afraid yours, though vastly better, have problems that are far harder to solve. I think I've said that before. Have I? Maybe not. Anyway, this feels like you're doing nothing but putting yourself in somebody else's shoes. We get little to no sense for who Kayane is! But I'm glad that this time it's actually about the .hack character -- and I can picture Balmung acting the way you've described. So . . . yeah.