Ah, how I've gotten behind in my reading.

I really enjoyed this chapter and (yes I know it's been well over a month since you posted it...but I am so easily distracted.) Saria has always been one of my favorites, though I personally think the average 10 yr old is less childish than people often give them credit for.

I will definitely be looking forward to the next chapter - hope to see it soon!

cya
achitka

Very intriging story. I'm very curious about how this is going to turn out and I hope to see another update soon.

You didn't lie when you wrote that your goal was to provide well-written fictions "of the highest esteem." I can easily see the fruits of your effort reflected in this beautifully written story, and I've only read up to the first chapter!

There is just one general critique I have for you: Some of your sentences are a bit choppy. What I mean is that there are so many thoughts and clauses marked off by even more commas that it makes your writing seem so “chopped up,” understand? While it’s not grammatically incorrect, the over-abundance of split-offs in your sentences makes them a little difficult to keep track of what refers to what, and some readers (like myself) are prone to backtracking very often to fully understand and appreciate the story. Every comma prompts me to pause my reading and prepare myself to read a separate idea or thought, so I get lost very easily when I have to do this three or more times every other sentence I read. Here are a few examples to help illustrate my point:

- “There were no reports of injuries, and buildings could be replaced, but the townspeople questioned their safety, and the guards did little to calm their fears.” (4 commas)

- “It may have been why, in the past, Zelda had snuck Link to her bedchambers, begging he keep her company through the night, her tiny frame huddled against his own in the darkness of the twilight hours.” (4 again)

- “His triumphs, forgotten by all save the Princess and himself, had dissipated with the passing of the sages, who guarded their respective temples against the tainted hands of the foul.” (3)

- “His body moved involuntarily at her command, and he noted, with an unnamed emotion, that if and when she sent him to hell, he would go, as ordered, with nothing less than an iron will to complete his task.” (6, whoa a new record)

- “Link was alone to carry out his mischief, and he did so, most discreetly, until reaching the Inner Court.” (4)

I hope you understand my point. These are only a few examples from your first chapter, but I’m not assuming your more recent chapters are like this. Anyway I just wanted to point this out to you because it was the only thing that stood out to me as (possibly) needing improvement. As you wrote in your bio, every author has strengths and weaknesses!

Oh, and there’s one grammatical error I found at the end of your first chapter:

Zelda: “If I am to prove these fires of unnatural birth, than I must find unnatural evidence to match its cause!”

I think you meant “then” and not “than” here.

I look forward to reading the rest of your story. Happy writing!

=] wow. an amazing twist. please update soon.

as i have started my previous review: OMG! for my sanity's sake, thank God you have this exceptional vocabulary! It's so REFRESHING! ^^ Again, another chapter well done!

OMG. you do SUCH a goos job drawing me in with your SUBTLE DRAMA. thats the only way I can put it. I think i especially adore the way you tend to start out scenes with faceless dialog. Super-awesomeness

haha. your AMAZING. I haven't read Zelda fanfiction this good since like, 2005. seriously! ^^ I'm so happy

WOW! Phenomenal first chapter!! 0.0

Things are getting interesting, but you make me really nervous with all those problems but not a single clue!

A very well written story, it definitely shows promise of becoming a story worth holding up as an ideal for LoZ fanfiction.

Ho...! That is SO COOL! I like the idea of the ocarina breaking and how the emerald had gone missing-nice. And I thought the dialogue between Link and Saria was good and a nice insight to both of the characters. There were some awkward sentence structures, but other than that, I loved the descriptions. It's obvious that you took great pains to accurately portray what the temple looked like, so I give you uber props for that. Really interested in the storyline that you've been building up, so hope you update soon!

jaa,
sano

Darn it, I can't find that song any where. I wanted to hear what you heard when you wrote it.

Such subtle romance here, and it's so lovely just like the ocarina lullaby. I can picture her sleeping fitfully without him and peacefully with him, I can picture a slow smile, just slightly higher on one side of her face than the other, at his music for her, just for her. She is not entirely guiltless of the wisdom of the serpent; it's so amusing! They are such the team, so much more than the sum of their parts, really.

(pokes head in and raises sunglasses)

Finally! Sorry for the delay. No more margaritas, I think. (smiles and settles down, arranging skirts around her.)

I don't often read Zelda fanfic, so I was really a babe in the woods for the first few minutes since I had no idea what to expect. Sure I know the storylines, but I had no idea what the general atmosphere was really going to be like. Naturally, three lines in I already knew I was going to enjoy myself. ^_^ "When we find one, we'll tell you." A perfect explanation of the beleagurered Hyrule, AND clever. You are right, this is good, and I expected no less of you.

What I like about how you write Link is that he has an innocence to him, but he does NOT come off as being simpleminded, just honest in his reactions and there is no pretense to him. I want to follow him around here; see where he goes, see what his face looks like when he hears and sees things. His reactions to Malon are heartwarmingly amusing; his sense of rightness in being near the castle and the princess are lovely. Talking of which, I have NO idea why you are so critical of your own romantic writing--the line in which Link muses on the feeling of homecoming in the palace, the way the light fell, the sight of her face--it is unbearably romantic.

The last line makes it virtually impossible not to click to the next chapter. Skillful planning, skillful execution, I expected no less. ^_^

Great Story! One of the best written fanfics I've read in awhile ^^ Link makes much more sense to me like this than like a lot of the other zelda fics I've read, and Zelda is really interesting. I like how she isn't... girly, or obsessed with link like a high school crush. It has to be one of the first fics I've read where she actually seems wise. I like your plotline too, didn't the Zora domain freeze in most of the games when Gannon was in control? Is the chill at the lake an omen of his return or something?

Please update soon!

I love this story! Your interpretation of Zelda's and Link's characters are intriguing and definitely NOT annoying. I really dislike those teenager versions of link, and this story really makes me feel warm and fuzzy and very happy that someone is able to write his character so nicely. I especially like Zelda's fierce rhetoric with her father- wonderful dialogue. Your OC's don't take away from the story, and I enjoy how they have strong personalities...although Boniface could use a bit more fleshing out. Question though, what about Link's weapons? Will he have to get them all over again?

Nevertheless, your story is shaping out to great proportions. I love it and I hope you update soon!

jaa,
sano