Reviews for The Sinner Within Me

Reviews For: The Sinner Within Me - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Mimo-chan 2008-06-12 ch 2,	abuseHI, karen, sam here finally reviewing. i like this one, it sounds like how kids kind of think, that's great cause wrath doesn't grow up until after ed dies and goes to the other world...and kaitlyn says hi
TyrantFlame 2006-03-31 ch 1,	abuseToo bad we're both gals. if u were a guy, i'd love to hug u rite now. O_O Do give me a few tips on how to THINK like the other six Homunculi. Coz the only Homunculi i can portray very well is... Ahem!Wrath!Ahem! Since you write scryed too, Maybe including a bit of Cougar here and there won't hurt, would it?? O_O
Wild Wolf Fire 2005-12-10 ch 7,	abuseWow I think the story was cool. My fav chaps were of Wrath and Envy. I too am a poor fangirl in the U.S who dose not now Pride, Sory
Darkness will Fall 2005-11-06 ch 7,	abuseYES! Love the homunculus, no matter how mindless or twisted they are T.T Anyway, this fic rocked. The Seven Sins...it rolls off the tounge.
Bibliotheque 2005-11-05 ch 7,	abuseAh-hah! You used some pretty compound sentences here. I do so like what you have done with Pride. Eh-heh, I don't much like him, so I enjoy making him rather evil...^^0 There is only one thing in here that I think should be changed: 'I will forever remain head of this military. Continuing to shed shadow and darkness over this land.' It would work better as 'I will forever remain head of this military, and continue to shed shadow and darkness over this land.' ^^0 So sorry. Anyway, I do so love this fanfic. It is definitely a very interesting take on all of the Homunculi, and just an all-over good fanfic. ^^0 ~Yay for good fanfics!~ BHS
Bibliotheque 2005-11-05 ch 6,	abuseAh-ha, I rather feel sorry for Slothy! ^^0 Eh-heh. Anyway, this is very nice. There seem to be so few things about Sloth, although, granted, I've never actually looked...I don't really know her very well, but I do rather like her, and this makes me like her more, although I do rather imagine her as the maternal figure...This is a very interesting take on her as well as all the other Homunculi. ~Yay for Slothy!~ BHS
Bibliotheque 2005-11-05 ch 5,	abuseAh-ha, dont'cha think Envy shoulda been Pride? Heh. This is rather nice, I must admit. You do so capture the essence of Envy's boastful side. It is very nice. Once more, I must comment on the short sentences. ^^0 This sentence in particular could be redone and it would be alot better: 'The power to shape shift. To turn into anyone I want.' It would be better as 'The power to shape shift, to turn into anyone I want.' ^^0 Anyway, I do so love this fanfic. It is very nice! ~Androgyny is love!~ BHS
Bibliotheque 2005-11-05 ch 4,	abuseSome humor! Heh. Gluttony's cool, even if he isn't my favorite Homunculus. You've gotten him down pretty well. One thing that irritates me and always has: You mispelled 'geez'. You said 'jez'. It could be 'jeez' or 'geez', but not 'jez'. ^^0 That's just one of those things I can't stand. Sorry. Um, well, it's very good, and I added you to my favorites. Heh. ~Food is love!~
Bibliotheque 2005-11-05 ch 3,	abuseHeh, I adore Greed. Actually, I love all the Homunculi except for Pride, who is ICKY. But, er, yeah... This is pretty cool. I think I'll add this to my favorites. It's definitely something I'd like to read again and again. So, erm, no criticism, really, although con-artist is usually either two words or a hyphenated word...^^0 Um, but that's just me. Er, yeah. ~Sharky-teeth are love~ BHS
Bibliotheque 2005-11-05 ch 2,	abuseThe short sentences work very well for Wrath, although this one could use some work: 'I shouldn't have these thoughts. These horrible thoughts of killing.'It could be: 'I shouldn't have these horrible thoughts of killing', or, (and this would probably work better) 'I shouldn't have these thoughts; these horrible thoughts of killing.' ^^0 Er, yeah...Or you could put three dots between the two sentences. Heh. Um, anyway, I do so love this chapter. Wrath is so adorable! Although I think he is a bit more vicious than you have made him...It is alright, however, for I, too, am guilty of making Wrath OOC! ^^0 ~Wrath is love~ BHS
Bibliotheque 2005-11-05 ch 1,	abuseYou'd get more comments if you let people review anonymously, you know...Anyway. This is cool, and I quite like it. You write quite nicely. However...There are rather alot of sentence fragments, which, while it isn't SO bad, could be corrected. Also, your sentences are rather short. I'm not trying to be mean, but I am simply pointing out a few ways in which you could improve your writing. Try combining sentences and using fewer fragments, okay? Well, you don't have to, but this would be even better if you did. Now that I'm done criticizing...It really is very good. And I think it rather accurately represents Lust, or at least her more angst-ish side. ^^0 So, um, onto the next ones... ~Imagine, if you will, a chibi-Lust. Would it not be the cutest thing in the world?~
Pianogirl123 2005-11-02 ch 5,	abuseYAY I LOVE ENVY!! that one was COOL! (i don't mean love as in
PooglesBiggestFan 2005-11-01 ch 4,	abuseWow Karen, you really captured Gluttony, congrats! That must've been hard.
Moto-san 2005-11-01 ch 5,	abuseSWEET!Envy is my second fave or the Humunculi and that was a great job!! ROCK ON!!
Moto-san 2005-11-01 ch 4,	abuseLOL!! Guttony and his never ending stomah!! Great job!! I loved it!! ROCK ON!!

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