 Nosferatum 2009-09-03 . chapter 2Rather nice... Though it could've been longer. |
 Ganheim 2009-05-20 . chapter 1With that smile alone, she had made heartache disappear and soothed many a raging beast.
[I can see from this that it’s turning into a Kasumi-Ranma, and while I’ve got no problem with shaking things up as long as development from canon is sensible (and this has been progressing remarkably well), I think this sentence is a tad too much. Kasumi nearly seems to have a magic aura around her, but there are a number of times (mainly when he’s moping about screwing things up with Akane, and once with Shampoo in the Reverse Jewel arc) where she’s there and he doesn’t give her much notice]
“Seriously.” She protested.
[A comma for transition fits better than period to close that dialog, with a direct speech tag following]
without missing so much as a sliver of glass.
[Without even looking at the floor? I doubt even Kasumi could do that]
Ranma would toss her a glance to make sure that she wasn’t moving to help,
[That sounds more impolite than helpful – cooking is one of the things that’s kept purpose in Kasumi’s life, and while he’s trying to be helpful by doing this it’s still taking that away from her. I can see him refusing to not help her, but I also don’t see her just sitting back while she’s perfectly capable of cooking. Whether it’s too much of just a repeated habit or too cathartic an activity (yes, creative repetitious activities like cooking have an effect like meditation, it’s one of the reasons I cook)]
before she changed tactics and leaned forward and opened her mouth slightly.
[I can accept the idea of the two finding a closer friendship in each other. The two jumping this much into romantic action? Not so much]
“That’s easy. I’d pick you.”
[I called that this would be a Ranma-Kasumi, but this just looks so much like the wrong thing to say at this point. He appreciates her, but in canon he’s in love with Akane, and Shampoo and Ukyo are next in line with people he likes and doesn’t want to see hurt. Not that Kasumi’s completely without a chance – particularly with some of the changes you’ve indicated – but I feel that this is deviating too far too fast from canon. Shrugging it off with an ‘I dunno’ and then giving her a scrutinizing gaze I’d more expect]
Pops thinks guys that cook’re pansies.”
[That’s amusing, as the world’s top 10 cooks are male chefs]
stormy blue eyes of his almost glowing in the pinkish orange like of the dawn.
[Certainly builds the effect]
He looked at her expectantly…no, hopefully.
[Now _that’s_ more what I’m expecting from a blossoming relationship between characters, particularly such a pair and in such circumstances]
while Ranma seemed to be trying to work his way up to say something.
[Subtle and slightly vague but very sensible and well put]
Nabiki’s scams alone had more than paid for Ranma’s lodging in Kasumi’s book.
[I take the stance that the money Nabiki makes goes to her and her alone, but canon isn’t clear about it and I suppose that either possibility is valid enough]
He looked back at her once, and then sat down…missing his chair completely.
[Well…it’s certainly a comic break]
and the dogi that she wore was white as snow.
[Not fully typical for keikogi, but each character has their unique variations]
She seemed to correct these instinctually as she repeated the kata a second and third time, but there was one step that she continued to miss with every pass.
[I appreciate the realistic nod to her lack of good training or practice, something that a lot of Kasumi stories get wrong]
“Promise not to hit me?” he asked hopefully.
“No.”
[Now _that’s_ funny, and not dark like I get the feeling it would be if it’d come from Akane’s mouth]
no one in Kasumi’s mind had ever truly earned an apology from Ranma Saotome.
[Kasumi may have missed a lot of things, but she hasn’t missed _this_ much. Despite the number of times he’s been creamed undeservedly, he’s also stuck his foot in his mouth and done something inconsiderate that he’s then had to suck it up and apologize for – whether or not he did is a different story] |
 skelletor 2009-03-13 . chapter 2Damn good story hope you keep writing |
 moritynz 2009-03-06 . chapter 2very cool, very very cool indeed |
 FuzzyBoots 2008-05-24 . chapter 2It's a cute setting for the pairing. I agree with Nabiki that Kasumi's getting into a world of trouble here. I also have my concern that Kasumi will hold Ranma back in his martial arts greatness just because of how that's a part of his life he'll never be able to fully share with her. *shrug* Eh, we'll see. |
 Gouken 2009 2007-12-13 . chapter 2A very good beginning, even if it is just that.
You wrote a wonderful story, and I have to say it doesn't need follow-on.
It's perfect as it is, and that's the best thing about it.
Do NOT continue... but keep up the good work. |
 Sdarian 2007-10-08 . chapter 2This has been really good. I wish there was more to it. Ah well, maybe someday in the future. |
 Megatyrant 2007-08-29 . chapter 2Well, what can I say? This is, without a doubt, a great story. That being said, I think I speak for several people, when I say, that I want a sequel. (Actually, I demand it, but who am I to order other people around? :)) |
 KinesongPayaso 2006-05-15 . chapter 2quality! quality! quality! quality!
these great short fics are convincing me to start looking for shorter(quality) fics, instead of long ones(quantity)
I loved the ranma and kasumi interactions. especially the ending :D
although other scenes werent as good, or could have been made better. especially ones with akane. it doesnt matter if they are OOC, as long as they 'feel right' |
 Merkitten 2006-04-17 . chapter 2-Does wolf whistle- That last sene was great! I liked the whole story. Even though it was short, it was Damn good. I hadn't really liked the Ranma Kasumi Pairing but the way you wrote it mad me like it. Exellent job. -Merkitten |
 Ellen Kuhfeld 2006-02-10 . chapter 2Both competently written, and well-written. Of all the anime I've read fanfic for, Ranma is the one most desperate for closure. It's nice to see closure that doesn't end with blood on the floor. |
 phoenix.ru 2005-11-10 . chapter 2Nya! Haven't read anything this warm and fuzzy for some time... .. It's so nice!!whah... RxK pairings are one of the sweetest things! |
 taxzombie 2005-11-03 . chapter 2Bravo! Nicely done. It's not that often that I find a short story that I enjoy as much as I did this one. A truly delightful tale. |
 lunasgathering39 2005-11-02 . chapter 2I normally don't like stories that have Ranma with someone other than Akane. But once in a rare while one is well written enough that it doesn't seem so strange. I love the way the changes in the characters was subtle and believable. Both of them deserve to finally be happy. I know others have asked for more chapters. I think this was the perfect place to end it. Since he has made his choice, it doesn't really matter what the rest of the girls have to say. |
 Talantus 2005-11-02 . chapter 2ho nice one! is there gonna be a sequel? i wonder... maybe there already is.. i'll go check it out! either way, good job ;)! |