Interesting story so far! And yay for cliffhangers. TT XD

ANYHOO, you asked for constructive critism so here ya go:

The last two chapters tended to get confusing since you didn't vary the pronouns enough, or indicate who was speaking. As a result, I wasn't sure if it was Niwa who was in the bushes, or Satoshi (and etc.)

Other than that, interesting!

kradrisa please.

cliffie! gr... well, it's pretty different. the first chapter started off kind of slow and fast at the same time - i don't think you needed to give an intro to all the characters and history.. but even then it was presented all over the place instead of all at once. i liked the style you used though. (sorry, clumping reviews for all chapters in one) maybe you can elaborate more on dark's death? and satoshi left? you kind of just threw it out and it was really sudden.. no background. that's the semi-criticism part... but by no means am i saying your work sucks! i really like it! and first chapters i'm sure are the hardest. the fic so far is pretty creative and interesting - so i hope you update soon! i also left a post on LJ... *shrug* wasn't sure where to coment.. heh.

Hmm... this is interesting so far. I'd also like to see what this fic was like before... Please update soon!