Well ... it's a sasuxOC but ... how come it's in the sasuxhina section ?

i'm sorry to say that i think the story is quite boring and the ending was very unexciting. on the plus side, i very mush enjoyed the ongoings of your conversation with ed, sasuke, etc.

WOW really great i can't wit forf the next one :):):):):)

~solitarywarrior

i indeed like this story..but i founf it in the sasuke+hinata uhm..section.. but this isn't sasuhina at all ?!
but there is the sequel are you going to do it then ...(srry people i just love sasuhina)
nit anyway i will notice...
plz update the sequel soon...

omg awesome!awesome!awesome!awesome! update soon plz! XD

Is the sequel up? Is the sequel up? If so, I'm off to read it! Ja ne!

-frowns- That was much too short for my taste. Great emotion displayed in the end, but it was rushed. I was hoping for more flashbacks and emphasis on Meilin in this part, especially with her and Sasuke, but I guess that will have to wait, neh?

I spotted a few mistakes throughout, but they were basically grammar. I hope you don't mind, but I want to give a sort of suggestion in your lengthening your story and bringing it into mroe depth.

There could definitely be some more detail, seeing as it is somewhat rushed. Still, you've got a really nice thought on this entire story. I can tell. If you could go into more depth with the details on the situations and thoughts, the story would elongate itself.

For example, adding situations, or at least detail on situations, that bring Naruto and Hinata together as a couple. Immediately putting them together leaves out a lot of information, and with this taking place nearly directly after the Chunnin Exams, there's the difficulty of bringing a relationship between the two into motion. Hinata has gone on with much too low a self-esteem, even if Meilin was an influence on her. And this self-esteem issue would not mean that just because Naruto fought for her in the fight with Neji and everything that she would gain a great boost in confidence.

I'm not trying to be cruel and forcing you into putting more detail in. As I said, it was just a suggestion. You don't have to take it if you don't want to.

Keep up the nice work, mate. Take care.

With all due respect,

Kage-Ichihashi

P.S. Oh! Another thing: Maybe if, when you finish each part, you could go over it and see through all of the detail you could add in and add it. Perhaps finding a beta-reader or friend to read over it in order to help with suggestions or come up with ideas would work. It's only a suggestion, again, and I'm not forcing you to do it. -grins- Have fun writing! That's what counts!

coolies!
update soon!!

Wow it was great! Naruto was captured... AH! And why was Meilin wondering what Naruto would say towards the end...? Confuzzlement XD

Muhaha...

Your reviewer,fan etc.

Ninja Monkey, Naf S'Netog

Um... Happy birthday? I am late.. XD
Oh well... Anyway It's good but still could be improved.Just don't ask me how i'm a failure... -sniffs- anyway I'm still confused on things that confuse me on what i'm confused about... Which makes me confuse myself XD

Typos towards the end. Very good still. Your author notes disturbed me about how you wanted Sasuke and Naruto to kiss... Nasty! Lmao anyways... About Naruto, he wouldn't go as so far to make someone cry would he? You make him seem heartless in a way, I don't think he would but that's my opinion. Still keep up the good work.

... The story is good but... Well anyway keep up the good work.

wow it's great! But... What's a mary sue or whatever? It kinda made me confused...

please stop writing, this is one of the most horrible stories i have ever read, and thats quite a few stories... plz just get up walk away from your computer and never look back at this story. Hell, its not even any good, i can barely read 10 lines before i went to the review this story so quit while your ahead and stop writing, u dont have the talent

Perhaps you should try writing a story focusing on character development, not plot. And "plot" being used loosely in this case, as it's not so much a plot as it is a bunch of events crammed into a chapter. Try building tension, as it makes stories more enjoyable to read. It's worse than Victorian sensation lit; it's like Plot twist!Plot twist!Plot twist!Plot twist! I mean, geez, slow down.

Your original character(s) are annoying, condescending, and rude. Sure everyone with the typical tough past usually is, but why not explore their behavior more creatively? Not everyone turns into an ** when something bad happens to them.

Sasuke would never issue an ultimatum at Naruto to trust somebody. Sasuke's not like that, so easy to defend anyone or their trustworthiness. Naruto has Sasuke's respect more practically anyone. And I doubt he still calls Itachi "aniki."

And don't be so quick to discount Sakura; she's the second smartest genin and the brightest girl in the whole series, period. And as soon as you're up to date on your manga reading, you'll learn some respect.