It's always a pleasure to read about Leroux's Giry -- the daffy old bird in a faded dress who is convinced that her daughter will become Empress. This was an amazing story with respect to the way you fleshed out her character, and made us care about her. Seeing her as a young child who had been mistreated also makes us see her through more sympathetic eyes as she ages. She has every right to be a little dotty, and say what we will about him, at least Erik never locked her in a wardrobe!

~ml

ooh! I loved this story in the morbidity contest! although, my fingers ached for days after reading it... I also love that you wrote about madame giry, and the leroux one at that! very nice.

Oo, it’s another lesser-done viewpoint! And very original idea to explore Madame Giry’s childhood. I think that out of the ‘main’ characters, she’s the most often overlooked when it comes to childhood. Most authors only go back to when she first met Erik (which varies depending on what they’re using as canon…), but this was just so original! And it was written so well, too.

Hooray! We hardly ever get to see Madame Giry -- the REAL Madame Giry, from Leroux, since her character isn't developed as fully as it is in the musical. Great inspiration to start this piece. You kept her in character, antiquated but proud. It's a unique point of view to use, and these events could really have happened during that scene.

Just to help you a bit with the more practical side, you need to be careful with your dialogue endings. For example: "'You can’t expect me to crawl in there,' she blanched." Blanching is the act of turning pale, which has nothing to do with the power of speech. It needs to be expressed seperately.

Also: "'I hate to be the bearer of bad news,' Mercier looked nervous, 'but you are to be locked inside the wardrobe...'" Looking nervous is a great character description! But again, it has nothing to do with talking, thus shouldn't be used this way.

Generally, if someone says something, the best thing to use is "he said" or "he stated". You can also use "he whispered" or "he shouted" to depict volume of tone, if needed, or for back and forth dialogue "he answered" or "he replied", along with a great many other words which express methods of communication. (I can send you a list of a couple hundred if you like! I refer to it often in my writing.) You can still show your characters' reactions -- just seperately, and doing so can actually make the story stronger. For example: "She blanched and said, 'You can’t expect me to crawl in there!'" and: "I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Mercier said. He shifted his eyes nervously, looking anywhere but at Mme Giry. "But, you are to be locked inside the wardrobe."

I hope this helps you with your writing, and I look forward to reading more of your work. Good job!