Hey Blueheart! I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Kyelor from minitokyo, with the same penname on fanfiction! I've been quite busy these days, but I try to update my own stories and read others' when I get the chance! I see that you have quite a lot of published work!

Surprisingly enough, Erika is the name of one of my own OC's in my fic 'Blading in Time.' However, my Erika has quite a different character than yours. . .if you get the chance, I'd appreciate it if you could read and review someday!

Anyways, here's your review, complete with constructive criticism!

First of all, I noticed that your fic has many scattered grammatical errors throughout. . .I realize that some of your other reviewers have also pointed this out, but I just wanted to let you know that I think some quick editing and proofreading before posting your chapters will help you out a great deal. It's also helpful for the readers, too! As it stands now, your fic is just a little bit incoherent because of simple things, such as mixed up words or spelling mistakes. Again, it's not that bad. . .but I highly recommend fixing things up a little. . .at least for your next chapter.

I also noticed that your OC, Erika, is quite the 'Mary Sue' type character. This doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, but so far, she does appear to fit the mold of the Mary Sue stereotype. She's a bit too perfect, and she doesn't seem to have any apparent character flaws. She also tends to lack character development, which I think is very important when you write a long fic such as this. However, I did take note that you developed the characters of the Bladebreakers quite well. . .Rei especially. I was able to get a pretty good sense of his feelings, especially in the places where he was sad about Erika being Kai's girlfriend and all. So, great job with that aspect of the story!

You have some great ideas going here, they just need to be polished a bit! Be sure to swing by my user profile here on fanfiction when you get the chance. I shall keep in touch!

PS-Don't worry, I didn't read JUST chapter 1! I actually went through the majority of your fic, then decided to leave my review at the beginning!

el-rey dos hermanos isn´t that novel ever gonna end omg u should do a one-shot of the show and the beybladers watching it LOL

yah portuguese i htougth it was never gonna happen its funny i was born in brazil but grew up in america i speak english perfectly but my portuguese stinks man i dont liek my home country it suxs anyway this is a great story i think i´ll finish reading it today by...i mean tchau (since its brazillian portuguese and im not sure wich one u speak it means byr and it pronuneced ciao like in italy) see ya ^_^

hey this is a nice story ^_^

Oh my gosh. It seems that Erika is cheating on Kai now! And you shouldn't put too much "doin' it" in your story. I'm sorry. My reviews aren't the best, are they? But your story isn't bad or anything, and it's long, so that's cool.^__^

It seemed like Kai cheated on Erika. (No offense)

It's a good, clever story, but I think you should learn more use of language and description. Besides that though, good work.

Hello!! O debería decir hola? n.n Yo soy española y mi inglés tampoco es tan bueno... Pero, he entendido muy bien la historia así que te apoyo para que sigas. Sólo una cosa, quedaría mejor una historia escrita en pasado... Pero, no importa me ha encantado y ya sabes que aquí tienes una lectora.
Cuídate y nos leemos.
Ps: UPDATE SOON

Argh!! You´re gooing to kill Kai!! ToT I can see it!! UPDATE SOON

hey,
I have read all of your chapters, and I love it!

Is the next chapter ready soon?... I'm really looking forward..

Great story,

i feel sry for ray now he has to kill kai and kaiser
but would erika love him after killing her child with the man she loves plus the man she loves
awsome chappie update soon

OMG OMG! I'm shocked! lol please update

they have a daughter yay! lol good chappie uppdate soon

i dont know, but i think this story is turning yaoi!! not that i hate yaoi. i love it!

Miako6