Well, I didn't like this one as much as the first - the end was cool, how she hit Arty like that, but besides that, I dunno. It makes more sense as a serious thing than a parody (albeit a *clever* parody.)

Good work, though.

Wow, that was very good, and well written. Slightly creepy, but it makes it original. Never heard anything like it (in a good way). I thought the last sentance was sort of cheezy, but other than that it was perfect. Keep writing!

i like it! its original, i havent read something like this before, keep up the great writing!

Sweet! You did exactly what I thought you should do by the time she started fighting - kill (or at least injure) Artemis while thinking she's saving him. That part does remind me of Poe, and the first-person narrative and all that. But not so much like The Raven, more like The Tell-Tale Heart, I think. You should read the short story by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, called "The Yellow Wallpaper." It's about madness quite like yours is, you'd probably like it. (As a side-note, you criminality members seem to have some sort of oligarchic patriciate going on - your stories always seem to be written in response to some challenge or whatever, and then other members will come and (invariably) praise it to the skies. What's up with that, eh?)

Cool. For some reason or another, it remained me of Poe's "The Raven." (no idea why) Maybe it was the slightly formal writing style, or whatever... nevermind

I like how you talked about 'Them.' My only complaint is the end line ("Outside, the storm... inside end?") which seems a little cheesy compared to the rest of it. I like the line, "For a few seconds, I pretend they exist only in my mind." That was absolutely *perfect.*

Mm... Myabe, please, could you elaborate on the thought of Them killing Artemis? It's not very well developed, even after she smacks at the end. And maybe some about Timmy too? His loss was what made her made, after all.

I liked this. Very cool. Keep it up!

*pulls the covers over her head to hide from Them*

Definitely made sense. Worrying. Sad. Subtle, but clear. Creepy. Excellent.

My favourite line was: "For a few seconds, I pretend that They exist only in my mind." Heh heh. Little do you know, Angeline.

Ah, the irony. Poor Arty. She was only trying to protect him.

My only bit of con crit is the line "... appreciate Their generous procrastination, ..." By the time I got to the end of that tongue twister, I was thinking about the words, rather than the scene you were creating. I'm not sure whether it was just the long words, or the fact that it suddenly changes the reason for Them to be taking so long, from (what I assumed was) trying to creep up on her or deliberately drawing it out to frighten her, to Them being sort of nice as they don't get around to it yet. Anyway, that was a moment where I suddenly felt thrown out of the otherwise consistentmood.

Actually, I lie, I've got another: At some points she seemed to be aware that she couldn't trust her own mind - the door opening and closing, someone coming up the stairs - which seemed to be the events that were really happening. (ie. she trusts the hallucinations, but believes she's hallucinating the real world) I wonder if it might have been more effective to have her believe entirely in what she sees/hears (whether real or not), but just place the spin on the door and the stairs, etc. to be that it's Them coming to get her. But that's really a just a style thing, and it works well this way, too. :)

Well done, a very enjoyable read.