Hmm... Seems to have promise.

I like the idea of the small fragments of stories interleaved. I try to do that sometimes with my stuff, but often it comes out not working so well.

I imagine you are going to make Shinji be the judeochristian messiah? Interesting idea, though I'd suggest you focus on the jewish sense (which involves the messiah being closer to a celestial being, who brings about the end of the world -- as shown in the anime Angel Sanctuary), rather than the christian version (wherein the messiah was initially Jesus, and so the one to bring about the apocalypse would end up being essentially a reincarnation, clone, channeling, or astral projection of Jesus, or some other method wherein the person would have Jesus's wise, yet entirely un-dramatic personality). Don't get me wrong -- Jesus was pretty awesome. It's just that Jesus was a nice guy, compassionate, and incredibly understanding, as well as joyful, and had a really wierd sense of humour (he was laughing his ** off as he was carrying the cross to be crucified, according to the original greek text -- if that's not wierd, I dunno what is) -- and that personality typically doesn't make for a "cool" end of the world.

It makes for a comfortable end of the world.

Good start, and as long as it doesn't become preachy it will do mwell.

dennisud

well this is showin some promise. well anyways, that's all from me, i'll b keepin my eye on this.

Cheers ^^ Ja ne

Interesting. A few errors here and there, but otherwise understandable. The pairing doesn't seem so clear, however.

This is ok. It's interesting I'll give you that. I would like to see where its headed. But I don't think the characters are quite 'in' character. I'll admit Toji and Kensuke are Teenage boys, but they were never quite that bad during the series, or the Manga for that matter.

Well, its interesting in any case.

Later,
Linkin-Phoenix

This looks like a great start for your story even though I have no idea where it's headed.

Interesting start, but I will give a more better review next chapter.

Hmm...this looks very interesting. You have done a good job building up the foundation of this story. Don't feel that you have to get into the action and fluff elements to quickly. Keep up with adding more background information and building up story and use the action and fluff elements to add to the background information and character development and descriptions. As I said, good job, and I look forward to reading the next chapter.

Weird, like all the other Third Impact stories that involve philosiphy...

Good job though!

Cheerio,
naon