this seemed like an awfully lazy way to end a story...it was a good story up until the last chapter. it was a happy, hopeful story till the end. It makes it appear that the author was either suffering from writer's block for the rest of the story, or just got tired of it and decided to off hermione. either way, the end made the rest of the story seem like a damn tease.

Wow, the plot definitely started off too fast and then became a little slow and forces during the middle, but the two endings were definitely the worst parts of all. The suicide was way too random and the happy ending seemed forced.

Ah. Erm. Wha?



Sorry, but this was a completely random plot bunny. Like, it just popped out of nowhere.
Tough cookies, but I'm giving this a thumbs down for, well,... not having anything to do with the main theme of the story. Um, yeah.

First, suicide is just an icky topic
Second, what CAUSE would prompt Hermione to kill herself? It's completely out of the blue, because Viktor hasn't done anything outrageously horrible and the H&R pair haven't done anything harsh either
Third, if you really want to kill off the main char so badly, at least go through the earlier chapters and make the plot lead up to the end
Fourth, still #2, she was apparently happy with Viktor at the ball, the razorship is just... Random
Fifth, the end of this chapter makes it sound like Viktor is the main char... which conflicts with earlier chapters...
Sixth, random. Er, yeah. Just that. Random.


I don't mean to be mean, but truly I almost think you deserve it.
Really, it's sort of sad that you just gave up on this...

“Usually it vould be the other vay around. Them chasing me.”

Heh hee, funneh!

Ooh, your birthday is Jan 1st? How tres cool.

EhWHA?


...Eh, sorry, it's just that HP&RW 'ships spook me. I mean, come on! Harry and Gins are such a cute couple! And ditto for Ron and Luna!

“Heh hem.” AUGH IT'S UMBRAGE!!







Whoa, that was mad scareh.
Her signature... mannerism.

Just keep in mind... AUGH IT'S UMBRAGE.

Ouch, reading their accents is painful to my eyes...

o_o.

Ron scares me.
A little OOC for lazahily relaxed, easygoing Ronniekins.

You should really get a friend to beta your work. Some third-person editing and advice would really help. Dumbledore...


DraGOONS! Scareh, I can't wait!

Whoa! They are moving REALLY fast. For three days...
Try slowing it down a bit.
Also, I prefer dialogue by separate speakers to be in different paras. It's just easier to read, and cleaner.

And of course, I have to whine that Hermione is sounding too timid for my personal taste, really, but seriously, ignore me, you can't change an entire char makeup for one picky reviewer.



Sp: "walked up t her"

Ooh, sounds fun.
I haven't read many VK& HG ficx lately (I'm more of a hardcore DHer fan), so this is a refreshing change.


The way you alternate between the viewpoints is slightly confusing, though.


Ah, "Dumbledor" has that extra E at the end...

Author Reply to Review:

I didn't exactly get tired of writing it, but I coudln't think of anything to write and I completly lost focus on it. I let myself down with this story. It was my favorite to write.

The Sweetest Things:

I can definitely see how that can happen. It was a great story though. Just sounds like you had a bit of writers block. Perhaps now you can revisit it. I just thought it was really good and the ending did not do it justice.

Um, did you just get tired of the story and decide to just end it any old way? Wow I was enjoying it. What a let down.

good chapter but i think that they moved too fast with the kiss and they just started talking to each other

*claps* that was really good both endings!

lol wow that was the complete opposite of the last chapter, and probably the shortest chapter with as much happy information in it as u could have possibly done. i hope that your feeling better, this chapter seemed a little bit forced and maybe even fake happy? a few bumps in the road is fine in any story, its just killing off the main character after her happiest night ever is more of a mountain, just like having her finish school and marry the man of her dreams all in one chapter seems a little extreme, but to the other end of the scale. i'm not critisizing, just letting u kno my veiw, anyway, now ur readers have to decide which ending they want, happily ever after, or a dramatic death. i cant decide, so i'l have her commit suicide later on in her happy go lucky life lol