   Hasten 7/16/06 . chapter 1Well, where to begin? All right. I like this pairing. Seventeen is a rebellious badboy, and Bra seems to be a badgirl herself. I think they make a cute pair, and I have to say that the title and discription of this story caught my interest.
I mean, the title could make for a great story and the description leaves you wondering who it is that Bra likes, being that you never actually said 'Seventeen'.
Now for the constructive criticism.
While the story-line idea was good, the actually story itself was rushed and didn't flow well. Everything seemed... strange. I can understand wanting to make this story a one-shot, but for an idea like the one you came up with, the story should have been a chapter story, even if not a very long one.
The way the story was written, it is not easy to understand how it was that Bra developed a crush on Seventeen, or why it was that Seventeen didn't appear to have any interest in destroying the human race, as he usually does.
This story honestly should have been a chapter story because as a one-shot without any explantions what-so-ever, it is awkward and fails to make much of any sense. In my opinion, it seemed as if you just thought this up one day and scribbled it down as a fic in about five minutes. It doesn't appear that you put any thought or work into this fic, and instead merely wrote it down and published it here on
There were a few grammar errors, but nothing too major.
Please understand that I'm not trying to be mean, I'm merely pointing out the problems with this story. There are many people who would be ten-times harsher than I have been today.
I honestly think you have potential, but you should add detail to your stories and explain the situations of the story, and how it got there, etc.
I wish you the best, and hope to read more SeventeenxBra stories from you soon.
-
Kari Usui,
Anna |
FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination 
mobile edition