This is an interesting fic, mainly because you don't usually see a lot of D&D fanfiction (at least not many serious D&D fanfictions, mostly what I see are crack fics).

The ending was a tad abrupt, but that actually works better that way. It's a simple fact about death which you carry through the fic. People die when you're not ready for it. Not ready to deal with it.

Very good.

I liked it, all the way up to the last line.

You know, I shouldn't like this story.

The characters are sketchy, and heavily cliche-ridden. There are major inconsistancies in the story, there are a number of grammar issues and the plot, such as it is, is worn down to the nubs.

And yet...

You do a wonderful job at depicting the cleric's disappointment and despair. I've always considered D&D "adventurers" to be massively dysfunctional people, and no matter how "good" they might be, I wouldn't want to even have a drink with one in a bar. You portray the protaganist's human side- the interesting side.

Kudos to you, sir.

Happy Writing