Reviews for The Fourth Regiment

Reviews For: The Fourth Regiment

Lord Yenma 2006-12-01 ch 2,	abuseA rather interesting piece of work...though it reminds me of my AP Lit assigned readings, in particular Heart of Darkness, as well as the movie Apocalypse Now, where the antagonist is someone who rejects the ideals of society and forges his own. Suitably thought provoking!
Samuraiter 2006-06-07 ch 2,	abuseIf The Moment is a hearty meal, then The Justified is one of those sixty-course banquets that only a medieval King of France might arrange, meaty enough to put a whole nation of vegans to flight, served to the court with enough bells and whistles to either entertain a stadium or drive it up a wall, and intimidating in how fundamentally large-scale it is. I will begin by saying that you have tackled this chapter with ambition. You attempt many different things, and my opinion is that your success rate is fifty-fifty, give or take. I think that this is a piece you needed to get out of your system, one way or another, before you could progress. What you have done, from my point of view as a reader, is juxtapose several different pieces of literature, using the Fire Emblem setting as a canvas. Obviously, you are pulling primarily from Heart of Darkness, and there are many references to it in the text in addition to the general atmosphere of the piece, but that is only for the trappings of the plot. Yes, there is the central conceit of the journey from civilization to savagery on the part of the lone narrator, who contemplates (repetitively) what that means, but that is the flesh of the story, not the bones. Thiocyan is Kurtz, but he is not, and I will tell you exactly why that is the case in this instance. I do not recall whether or not you have read Grendel, but I know that you have read Beowulf, and what you have done with Fire Emblem in The Justified is very similar to what John Gardner did with the title character in Grendel. In that book, Grendel has two key discussions that define his place in the universe. The first is with the Dragon, and the second is with Beowulf. The Dragon in the book is, basically, Raven, all preoccupied with existence, meaning, and the power of self-definition. As the Dragon establishes a framework for Grendel, Raven does the same for the narrator, albeit in a very direct way. Thiocyan, then, becomes Beowulf, validating everything that the Dragon / Raven said. Naturally, this results in the death of Grendel, but what does it mean for the narrator? Thiocyan may be the Kurtz archetype, but he is also Beowulf. As for other details of the chapter, the most notable part of your juxtaposition is pure Paul Verhoeven. You focus on blood, death, dirt, grit, meanness, and nastiness, as you originally promised in the planning, but that focus serves a different purpose here than it did in The Moment. In that first chapter, you used it to build up the characters and establish their world. Here, you use it to pervert that world, to caricature the first chapter in every way. Though you have explained your reasoning to me by way of out-of-'fic commentary, there is, speaking honestly, no way that the average reader is going to be able to easily slog through this and have a good guess at what you are attempting in throwing it all to the dogs. It is worth noting that this, in no way, can be contained inside a T rating. This is a hard M, and, indeed, that is the audience you want. No teenybopper is going to get this, and no child needs to be exposed to it. As I said, this is a very ugly chapter. Again, I can see why you did it the way you did it, but, if you had not explained it to me beforehand, how would I have been able to grasp your intentions? This chapter is obtuse to the point where I had to get a second opinion of it from another poster. All right, before I hit the characters, I am going to take one second and hit style, and I am not going to be nice about it. Aside from your standard problems – commas, dashes, hyphens, and I despair of explaining their correct usage to you – and the need for a good once-over on the spelling, I can see three things that you absolutely need to fix. One, I want you to take a look at that dog-eared thesaurus of yours. Now, take it and either put it on the shelf or toss it in the dust bin. While I appreciate your willingness to use new and interesting words, it is all too frequent that you put them in the wrong context and / or simply misuse them. Stop it. Use the words you know best. They have stuck with you for a reason. Two, I can fit two or three of my paragraphs in one of yours, and my paragraphs are not small. Break 'em up. I am not kidding. While I have little to no difficulty following your language, the beefy paragraphs are the chief reason it took me two whole days of reading to get to the end of a chapter that should only have taken me one sitting / three hours (at most). Three, you do not have to have the narrator repeating the same sentiments over and over again. While you would be correct to accuse the average reader (of 'fic, at least) of having a very short attention span, they do not need to be reminded of “the horror, the horror” every half-a-dozen paragraphs. Try either thinking of different ways to say the same thing or trimming the unnecessary bits and pieces to make life easier for the reader. This does not mean that you need to subtract from the core content, but it does mean that it can be expressed a little more efficiently. Now, I can talk about the characters, and I will open that by saying that your narrator is a piece of crap. This is a good thing, since that is what you intended her to be, though I will be honest and say that she seems less like a human being – particularly compared to the outstanding narrator of The Moment – and more like a flat plot device. You intended for the reader to feel nothing for the character, and, indeed, I do not. The problem that introduces is this: If there is no connection between reader and narrator, even a very tenuous one, like a strand of spider silk, why bother? Why read these experiences and meditation if there is nothing there to be felt? While you can argue that feeling nothing is the whole point of the piece, your reader can fire back that saying that is either a cop-out or artsy-fartsy bullcrap. I applaud the ambition, I applaud the attempt, but there is a limit to what even the greatest, most sympathetic audience will accept. Raven is a functionary. He is the Dragon to the Grendel of the narrator. While a little of his original character can be seen here and there, he is little more than a mouthpiece for the basic ideas of the chapter. Again, you designed him this way for that purpose, but any Raven fans among the readers are going to be either horrified or disappointed, depending. Thiocyan is in the same situation, being Beowulf, but he has the advantage in that he is a character that you created, and you can do more with him because of that. Otherwise, it is good to see the Fourth Regiment again. In closing, The Justified is the work of ambition. You have used it to flex your muscles, as, indeed, was one of my intentions when I first challenged you to take this project. In so doing, I think you have exhibited both your strengths and the long shadows they cast. You might have put your head too far up your butt in pulling this off, but, knowing that now, you can focus on what you do best and try not to go too far with it. I still look forward to the third chapter, though, unfortunately, I doubt if any other readers in the Fire Emblem section will be willing to follow you that far. Then again, you planned for exactly that.
KupoKupoKupo 2006-04-20 ch 2,	abuseWeak. I liked the first chap, but I think you ruined it.
trimurti 2006-01-17 ch 2,	abuseHm. Well, this is a review based on a first reading, so maybe I'll feel differently in a few days. This is weaker than the first story in every way. It all comes down to the feeling that you were trying too hard to hit your themes. The narrator for this part did not feel like a human being, or even a character, but rather a vessel to spout out the themes. Oh, and she had frizzy auburn hair. While she was--I think--meant to be an introspective character, I found that her ponderings were ponderous, and this hurt the story significantly, as it had no real flow. The story dragged, and I spaced out many times as a result. Because of this, it was consequently a lot harder to ignore the various spelling errors, which seemed to be caused more by a lack of real proofreading as opposed to using a spellchecker. While the brutality of some of the scenes probably had a hand in scaring away some readers, I was only somewhat annoyed by who was causing much of the pain to the main character. Speaking of which, Raven didn't know that his parents committed suicide--only Priscilla has the chance to find that out in-game. I don't know what to say. The first story was more compact despite its length, and it felt as though you could relate to that narrator more. Here, it feels more like the length of the story is trying to compensate for...I'm not sure. Lack of understanding, relating, something else? In the end, I'd say that this part has a lot of words, but they aren't saying anything that would take so many words to say. Maybe, hopefully, I'll feel differently after a reread, but right now...I'm sorry. I don't feel anything from or for 'The Justified' at all.
Samuraiter 2005-12-20 ch 1,	abuseThere is very little that I need to say. That Tenshi no Ai – a reader / writer held in high regard by many members of FFN, including myself – is clearly impressed by your work is one of the best compliments that you can be paid. I have to say that I am a little jealous, but this is a sign that you are maturing as a writer. In our early discussions of the concept behind this story, I suggested that you apply your 'war story' approach to FE7. Your response, as you started up the composition, was that your approach was your standard, nothing special. ... Look at it now. I can honestly say that this section has never seen a story like this. Instead of just rising to my initial challenge, you went above and beyond the call, and it shows. You might not think much of it now, and you might feel like it was nothing, but the fact that you can pull off a story like this almost effortlessly should tell you that you are more than ready to tackle any writing challenge. My only critique is that commas, dashes, and hyphens are still your enemy. You have a very distinctive voice at this point in your career, and you do a great job in giving the narrator one heck of a personality through the ways he thinks, talks, and perceives the world. (Perhaps this is the key element that I thought was lacking from the narration in DGR?) All you have to do is get that punctuation under control once and for all. For the record, though, it has greatly improved. As far as deeper things like character and plot, I ask you to remember our discussion of those two poles, a character-centered story versus a plot-centered story. Recall that I prefer the former, while you prefer the latter. Here, then, you have crafted a character-centered story ... using only one canon character from FE7 ... and inventing the rest purely from your imagination. Not only can you write my type of story, but you show such a degree of flexibility and adaptability that I am a little envious. Your characters are earthy, human, rough, and, in spite of their flaws (which are necessary and welcome), ultimately likable. They have that quality that Tenshi and I call 'heart', and they have it in buckets. In summation, you have gone from being my equal to quite possibly surpassing me. I guess you can call this your graduating review. Well done, Zero. If you choose to continue your pursuit of a writing career, you are well on your way. One suggestion that I would like to make for the future: Rather than do all of your 'Fourth Regiment' stories as separate entries, why not group them all together under a single entry so that fans of one entry can either see where it all started ... or follow the ongoing themes more easily? Though each story can likely stand on its own merits, this might benefit you in the long run. I look forward to both The Justified and our ongoing dialogue about this project. Congratulations again, and may this stone keep rolling.
trimurti 2005-12-19 ch 1,	abuseSimply magnificent. The realism, the humanity, the emotion of the story forms into sheer beauty. I'm sorry, but this is a story that is very hard to talk about, simply because it extends beyond simple storytelling. How do I say this...there are stories, then good stories, and then there is that defining work of art that moves beyond the fictional and becomes something more, something of which there are no proper adjectives extolling its greatness. Yeah, I feel that strongly about this, because I tend to read into the heart of the story. It is incredibly compelling because of its incredible humanness. I never felt as if you were putting words into the mouth of a character unsuitable for such speech; they went far beyond the measure of their roles and became their characters. Our viewpoint character is quite symapathetic, and the fact that he was preordained to die only shows us the horror of war, of fighting for what you love, of the fact that soldiers die. Soldiers die. They die brutally, they die quickly or slowly or without pain or in excruciating agony. I love that you showed this, and more to the point, how you showed it. These men of the Fourth, who take on death and pretend that they're phoenixes as if to make themselves greater than eventuality, are, at heart, more afraid than most. That they internalize it, make themselves and others greater for 'beating' death painfully reveals their humanity and their weakness, and I feel proud of them that they do this. They're human to the end. The ending of the story was incredibly powerful. I think this is because you bring in someone who is perhaps stronger than mere mortals who play phoenix. You brought in a girl from a country that lives off of war because they have no choice. Pegasus knights, raven-children...they thrive in war while these men count by the battle. The juxaposition of Florina, that innocent-looking girl who we all like to believe is just a novice (and perhaps even weaker than that), to these men is nothing short of astonishing. Something just felt right with that scene, where the story just seemed to 'connect' without a loose end. This story makes me think. Do you know what I mean? With most stories, after you put them down you might think of them every once in a while, but for the most part they're done. But this is a story with its own life, and for all the talk of death, I think this is the most life-affirming story I've ever read. There is so much I want to say, so much analysis and examination I want to conduct, but in the end I just want to say that it's beautiful. This story is its own moment, and I'm happy just to share in it. Thank you for such a moving story. I, for one, won't forget it.
GrayDove 2005-12-12 ch 1,	abuseAh, a friend of Samuraiter. I should have guessed it from the style and eloquence. Brilliant. I love what you have done, taking an unusual point of view and expanding on it, fleshing out a character who is nothing more than a unit in the actual game. Somehow, I don't feel justified in offering criticism on any minute details--after all, most of them are just personal opinions on grammar and diction, rather than any set rules. I really don't think that I can elaborate any more on this; it is a wonderful piece, and I'll be eagerly awaiting the next installment.
laFia 2005-12-09 ch 1,	abuseOh my God, this is amazing! Yes, every enemy in FE must be having a family. And we just on their opposite way, so we think them as evil. You done really well! Congrats ^_^
Lao Who Mai 2005-12-09 ch 1,	abuseThat was truly amazing. Beautiful work, so well told and explained, with an well-thought out plot and fascinating battle scenes. Nobody's every portrayed Florina (is it Florina or a random Pegasus Knight?) this fiercely before. I felt as if I truly understood the men of the Fourth, and the army functions were so realistic! Excellent, excellent work! Well done!
KupoKupoKupo 2005-12-09 ch 1,	abuseGood God, kupo. That is the single most moving fic I've ever had the fortune to read... I have always thought the same thing. Everyone in Fire Emblem (even the 'mindless' enemy forces) had lives, families and wishes. This is a shining example of going out of the ordinary to make a moving fic. This'll probably make anyone who plays FE think a bit while killing off the enemies in the game. This is wonderful, kupo. You must continue making these kinds of things... Kupo!
inferno fire soldier 2005-12-09 ch 1,	abuseholy...that was long. but it wasn't for nothing. that story could show the world why wr is bad. and the downside of winning the war. i must admit i share your opinion in this matter. i believe that when you die, you remember one treaured momentof your life. or in this case a treasured person. but in the end. it all ends up the same. death. and death to all
Green Paladin 2005-12-09 ch 1,	abuseGreen Paladin: 'Tis a beautiful story. A reminder to us all that every single person killed had their own lives, their own histories. They aren't evil, they just have their own alleigences and opinions. This is a story that needed to be told, and you did so spectacularly. I congratulate you.

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