I loved this fic. It was well written and you did an awesome job writing Hitsugaya.

Thats so sweet!

Wow. I totally didn't expect this to be as good as it was. A few minor things -- a couple of spelling issues, a couple of grammar issues, and occasionally Hitsugaya is a touch verbose for his character -- but on the whole, very well made. Your plot holds together the whole way through, and I love how you show the evolution of this relationship. Too many times people are in such a hurry to get the characters in bed or whatever that they rush the character development, but I can totally see how this story works with the characters. You did a good job on the whole keeping it in character. Excellent! This one goes in my favorites.

*exhales slowly*

You know, there are writers who could take thirty chapters to spin you a masterful tale, and then there are writers who can hold you spellbound from start to finish, with only half the time.

I cannot even begin to list all the praise I want to say for this exquisite story. It's extremely rare to find a treasure like this, where every word and every nuance is executed so flawlessly, every motion and every gesture so accounted for, it's like stumbling over a rock only to have found a diamond.

This...this was just so beautiful, from the very first sentence I was completely captivated, up until the very end. Everything was just so, so amazing. I was looking for an extremely good HitsuHina fic to read, and I didn't find good. I found better. Better then that, this is solid gold.

You wrote Hitsugaya so well, the way you played his emotions, stretched his character to the thinnest, finest, gossymer thread, only to reel him back in. It was...it was spell-binding. Absolutely enthralling.

Everything in this story was so well thought out, I loved each and every chapter, but especially Chapter 8, where he bares his soul to her. That was so emotional, so heart-wrenching, it pulled at your heart strings completely.

And the ending was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I finished reading with a smile on my face, which doesn't always happen when I read stories. Sometimes the endings are inconsistent, or they time skip too much, or just too happy/fluffy, and it seems to undo the whole fic.

Not here though, not at all. It didn't end with 'and they lived happily ever after', but rather that they still have a long way to go, but they're going to take it one day at a time.

I hope I can one day write like you. I feel compelled to ask, did you have the whole story planned from start to finish? Because it really seems that way.

Thank you so, so, so much for writing this. No words can express the depth of my gratitude for such an astounding work of art.

~Téa

Very nice. I liked how you explored the psychological aspect of it.

This story is fantastic :) Love it.

Normally, in Bleach fandom, I barely ship at all. I mostly stick with gen fics and sometimes ambiguous ones, but I'm glad I made the exception with this one. The ending was perfect. I'm glad you didn't put them together in the end. I think that your ending was much more in character and realistic than most stories I see. Hinamori is too emotionally unavailable, both here and in canon, to commit to a perfect "Disney" ending. All the same, there was hope for the future. Great job!

BEAUTIFUL!

I frequently saw crimes against grammar in the chapters similar to the following:

1) --"Hello [,] Bob. [take out period, put in comma]" S[lowercase]aid Drew.--

The comma before Bob shows you're addressing him, comma after is just what you do after someone speaks and you want to write "said whoever" after. This is if the quotation is a statement. If a question, place a question mark. Exclamation? Place an exclamation point. Exclaimed question? Question mark and say it was exclaimed.

2) [I saw this particular case in ch. 2.] --That the peace that they had worked so hard to bring about; for her and the others destroyed by Aizen’s greed; might never be witnessed or enjoyed by her.--

Basically, abuse of the semicolon. What you should have used instead of the semicolons were commas since in-between the semicolons is just an interruption. Similar to "Maggie walked down the stairs to Matt, who was tapping his foot impatiently onto the rug, and gasped in surprise as she nearly slipped." See how in-between the commas was just a little bit more of information but completely involved with the sentence?

3) Sometimes you have repetition of words that can stop the flow. For instance, from chapter four, --He nodded his thanks to the older captain, [replace with period, since it is its own sentence and not a part of dialogue, by narrating the dialogue in a way of he said, she said.] “Matsumoto,” he turned back to his vice-captain. [while I'm using this sentence, you'll need a comma here since you're just interrupting his speech by more information, as pointed out in #2.] “G[lowercase]o join our division.” She nodded once before turning back towards their division.--

There are too many divisions. Since the reader already knows that she's going to their division, just say she left. By repeating yourself, you just waste the readers time by making them feel like they've read something before, and that is only caused by repeating something you wrote so close together.

4) --Especially patients who were under watch because of illness or injury, [take out comma, place in period] u[capitalize]pon the discovery of Hinamori’s disappearance [,] Unohana would have been quick to sound the alarm.--

First correction was just making sense of the sentence since the first clause stands on its own. Next thing is a, um... (I learned the name in sixth grade! Think! Think!), ehh...something I think begins with a G. Whatever the name, you place a comma before the section of the sentence that can stand alone. That sounded confusing.

For example, "When the bride walked down the aisle, everyone stared." First part is dependent, second is independent. First does not make sense without the second, but second makes sense any way.

5)--Lightening flashed in the distance illuminating his fellow Captain[,] and he was not sure it wasn’t the sparks of his own anger that was feeding the rapidly growing storm.--

Without the comma, this was a run-on sentence. Since I was drowsy when I read the first few chapters, I forget if you left out words or not, but I did notice that you'd repeatedly forget commas.

6) --He knew frustration and worry were coming off him in waves [,] but he had no desire to curb it.--

7) -- [...] “if we ['] re going to have any chance of finding her before the storm breaks.”-- I trust you're just slapping your forehead from 6 and 7, and aren't really wondering why I pointed them out. Ya know... lol Oh, and the [...] wasn't a correction, just referencing that this was a piece of a sentence. You probably know this too, but just so you don't get it confused from my other corrections. :]

80 --“Neither can we,” the tall man fell into step with him as they strolled side by side[,] their long legs eating away the ground[...]-- It's an extra tid bit of information, and to cause better flow, you place the comma. I believe there's an actual reason, but that's what I tell myself.

9) --“Neither can we,” the tall man fell into step with him as they strolled side by side their long legs eating away [at] the ground, “though you need to stop this,” he motioned towards the clouds that were trembling with thunder and lightening, “if were going to have any chance of finding her before the storm breaks.”

How I would do it:

“Neither can we," [the tall man said as he] fell into step with him [.] [T]hey strolled [along] side by side, their long legs eating away [at] the ground [.] “[T]hough, you need to stop this,” he motioned towards the clouds [which were] trembling [and flashing] with thunder and lightening, “if we ['] re going to have any chance of finding her before the storm breaks.”

10) --It draws strength from the air [and] can manipulate it and form storms for attack [,] but when a natural storm like this starts [,] it has to run its course. That is the law of nature. [...]--

I replaced the comma with "and" because you're only listing two things by what I can tell. Manipulation can cause storms to be used as an attack, so that's one. Draw strength from air is two. Adding “but” is a freebie. Comma stopped a run-on.

11) --Hitsugaya closed his eyes, [X-out comma] before nodding.--

Disrupts flow and just doesn't belong there. If you're still confused, say it aloud.

12) --“We will need to let the other captains know to keep a leach on there [THEIR] energy.”--

They're, their, there! There should be a song for this.

13) --His footsteps quickened, they needed to find her. But where would she go?--

How I would write it:

His footsteps quickened, his thoughts circling back to the same conclusion each time. They needed to find her. His eyebrows crinkled, forcing themselves closer to each other. Where would she go?

14) You also tend to use "but" and "and" to start a sentence, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly legal. It's just...you use it a lot. It's like a cranky grandpa who screams out profanities in public, but slips you cash behind your parents' back. You love him, yet don't necessarily want to see him a lot.

15) --“Does Unohana know how long she has been missing?” [H]e would not wonder why he had not been told immediately.--

16) --_An hour_ [.] [H]e could feel the muscles in his stomach clenching. -- "_" just means italics.

17) -- [...] There are several places that she used to visit when in thought that I know of. [...]--

Wait, what? Try rewording. I had to read it two times before getting what you said. Try not to end with a preposition. Remember grandpa?

18) --He was risking missing her as he moved off the rooftops but it was a risk that he was going to have to take.--

It doesn't sound right having "risking" and "missing" together. Maybe try: He risked missing blah blah blah.

19) --He had to[o] much ground to cover and not enough time to do so.--

Too = quantity. To = preposition.

Okay, so basically this ended up being FAR too long, but me and grammar mode can enter a scary, scary place. Besides, I’ve been in this zone for so long, I wasn’t able to enjoy the chapter. :’[

I hope this helped you out. Or if you wrote this a while ago and have spotted these too (I didn’t check what dates you wrote this on), maybe this gives you a boost of confidence to see how you’ve grown. Either way, you seem promising, and only need a good beta to polish up grammatical errors.

Now, I'm going to read this chapter like a reader and not as a grammar Nazi! :D

I hope you're happy. Your story is so gripping, it's kept me up far past my bedtime.

I have some grammar related corrections to make, but it is far too late to say them now and I'm exhausted, so I'll review with them in the next chapter.

Oh, and curse you for this cliff hanger. Curse you! I'm going to have to go to bed, wake up, go through the whole day, and wonder the entire time what'll happen next. I have a hunch that Momo goes to look for Aizen, and Hitsugaya will find her. Then comes some fluff (please?), and I'll go "yay!" and sing and dance.

Wow that was an extremely well-written and descriptive story! The only thing is you write 'loose' instead of 'lose'. Other than that two thumbs up!

Wow, totally fantastic story. I was completely mesmerized. Your ability to describe emotions and the thoughts in Hitsugaya's head is phenomenal. Your writing is really impressive. Great job!

aww, thats so nice.

so far, i think, the chapters are very well-written and reaslistic. it was great, basically. but in chapter 5, u wrote Isane Nanao, did u get confused with Isane Kotetsu, coz its suppose to be Ise Nanao. :) anyways, i like this story so i'm gonna read the rest now! will review again!

i stayed up till the next morning,unable to stop myself from finishing in one go. it was perfect! i definitely have to read all your works now! favorite author of my favorite pair hitsuhina!!