|Reviews for A Familiar Foe|
| KissMyAft 12/12/06 . chapter 4
Will u please write another chap? I need to know whats happening 2 Raph! PLEASE...?
I can't read death fics because of the condition of my heart & how I feel about Leo, Don, Mikey, & Raph SO if this is going to be a death fic I would appreciate it if you would e-mail me or let me know somehow as to whether "A Familiar Foe" will, or will not, be a death fic
| Reinbeauchaser 10/26/06 . chapter 2
Me again! :0) Aren't ya glad t'see me? No? Ah...
Well, one simple thing, whenever you use the word 'and', you don't have to precede it with a comma, unless you're listing a slew of things before it. I'll use this sentence as an example...'He had found over the years that the purple colored material irritated his skin when damp, and he needed to be free of distractions when infusing these chemicals.' The use of the comma wasn't necessary here. There were several like this, otherwise I would just shrug and let it go, but - just so you're aware of it - I decided not to. :0) If you had written it thus - 'He had found over the years that the purple colored material irritated his skin when damp, which made him uncomfortable, and he needed to be free of distractions when infusing these chemicals.' When I added one more thought to Don's situation, that warranted a comma before the 'and'. :0)
Anyway, moving right along and I promise not to critique any more (as some readers might object to, since this is a well written missive. *grins nervously*), let's see what mischief you have in store for our beloved terrapins. :0)
What in blue-blazes is Donnie handling? Good night, turtle, go back to fixing toasters or move WA.A.A.Y out into the country (or buy an island) for cry'n out loud! This is too scary!
Never a good thing when Mike's bored.,.never, never, never. GAH,.,poor Donnie, poor NYC.
Um, turtles don't have the kind of spines to crack, it's all shell, with the backbone infused into the underside or inside. Of course, one could argue that these are mutated turtles, their genetic makeup tweaked with some human or alien DNA that would give them more skeleton than they would normally have, more mobility, too, which would justify the cool way that they can move, and.,.well.,.I'm digressing a bit here, but - okay - 'cracking' works. LOL
Love a lot of this chapter, but this sentence was wonderfully written - 'The liquid reached the rim of the bottle and stopped, poised on the edge, a single drop growing larger and larger, it's weight increasing little by little as it stretched closer and closer to the rippling surface below. This is it, here goes nothing...'
You allowed a bit of a run-on, which - compared to the shortness that most of your sentences are, works very well to add variety to the candance a little. This is a good thing to do now and then. :0)
Nice touch, giving partial attention to what Splinter is currently saying as he rebukes Raph.,.loved it! We don't need all the before stuff, just what matters most.
Even a ninja master rat can get his fur fluffed in fury. Considering how patient Splinter normally is, he's allowed. :0)
Yep, Raph's in perfect canon right now, wonderfully done. And, Donnie's right, unless his warring brothers find something more serious to think about that enforcing rules or breaking them, their little rift will definitely tear the clan apart.
Me thinks you have that in mind, too - given how you have prologued this little story.
Great job! Loved it, but now I have to get on with my day. Lots to do, but I will bookmark this little diddy for later reading. I'm enjoying it far too much not to. *two thumbs up!*
| Reinbeauchaser 10/26/06 . chapter 1
Hey, good intro so far.
However, might I gently suggest that you not
'mildly threaten' readers to review, 'kay? Not nice t'do and all that rot. :0) Hugs
Anyway, this is well written, with only a few glitches. In the first paragraph you have these two words - 'an' and 'were' - that should be 'a' and 'was'. Read the first paragraph aloud and you'll see what I mean.
Then, in that same paragraph, you forgot to add a period to the end of this sentence - 'There were no objects, no furniture in this room, and there was barely any light, but the shadows still danced along the walls'
Here is a sentence that has the same word or a derivitive of a word that could use another word that sounds the same - '"Perfect." The mysterious figure then made a sound, that sounded like a quiet chuckle, but it wasn't the joyful sound that is normally associated with laughter.' Might 'noise' work better for 'sound'? That way, the second use of the word - sounded - has more strength and impact. :0)
Okay, critique aside, this was very engaging and it piques the reader's interest as to whom this evil person is, why would he cause the man with the envelope such trepidation and how is he going to cause mayhem?
Yep, makes me wonder about all of that and where you have uploaded three more chapters, I am off to read, especially where it appears you have kept these little entries bite-sized perfect in length for moi. :0)
I have lots to do today, so that works out very well for me.
Anyway, a great and wonderful start.
Hope I didn't offend you with my - um - happy critique. I don't bother with critiquing unless I really like a story, just so you know (and if I have the time to do it, too). :0)
| Tewi 3/7/06 . chapter 4
you are so EvIl! you wrote some more chapters but you didn't post them! *growls and gets ready to pounce* fine whatever... *wonders if there is anything can hold ransom...*
so onto my actual review...
NO! finally noticed that Raph was gone! though none of my previous questions were ansered! GRR!
and i'm confused over what is bugging Leo because you said that he didn't want to bug Splinter with his problems...and now i'm extremely curious!
and i still want to know the answers to the questions i asked before! GRR!
so, you have no reason for not update SOON(ish) because you told me that you wrote more chapters...*devilish grin* UPDATE SOON! and i mean it!
oh and i hope they find Raph soon and that Raph will be okay!
| Zombie Cordelia 2/23/06 . chapter 3
This is promising. Can't wait for more!
| BubblyShell22 2/23/06 . chapter 3
Wow! That's awesome. Update soon. I hope the guys will find Raph. You are doing a good job on this.
The Bubbly One,
| Tewi 2/22/06 . chapter 3
wow, you did update soon! love it! and thank YOU!
so, that said...
great job! and GR! who's attacking Raph! will he be alright! will his family get to him in time! will he get out in time! will he be captured! will the attackers ever be revealed! and what of the first chapter! when will it all connect! and why won't Splinter act on his feelings! especially his BAD ones!
*closes eyes and takes deep calming breaths then reopens eyes*
okay, i'm better...i think...
so great chapter! opened up many more mysteries though, which can be a good thing and lead to a great story, which is what your story is, but it makes me wonder and i am dying to know what will happen next! i need to know! OMG! so, like i was saying before, wonderful chapter and update SOON! pLeaSe! (the please was for affect, it was really a command! ;) jus' so ya know! ;) )!
| BubblyShell22 2/20/06 . chapter 2
Great chapter. I'm liking this story. Update soon. You are a good writer.
The Bubbly One,
| Tewi 2/19/06 . chapter 2
heh, don't worry, i'm always jelous of people who make long chapters for mine usually arn't long!
great job! i think that Splinter totally had a point and a right to get furious! i mean, maybe Don doesn't want to fix the T.V.! maybe everyone is tired of his temper! maybe one day he won't be able to control it!
okay, sorry, i'm done with that weird rant now...
so, when are you going to incorperate the first chapter into your story! huh! huh! huh!
okay, when Don something was going to happen one of these days and that they might tear the family apart...
are you trying to point to something? cause if you are i'm scared, very, very scared! and with good reason!
and why is Don 'playing' with something so dangerous! hoping nothing will happen there!
and-from the first chapter-who is going to be his more loyal slave!
gr...i know nothing!
so loved it, you did a truly spectaculer job! and now you have to update SOON soon SOON soon SOON! so i can know what happens next! and that wasn't a question or begging it was a demand/order!
sorry, just please update SOON or i'll go crazy! ;)
| Longing for Leo 12/18/05 . chapter 1
This is cool! Very intriguing...but I have no idea what's going on. :P Please update quickly so that I can find out!
| Tewi 12/18/05 . chapter 1
wow, this sounds really, really, really good! you have to write more (and update) ASAP! i really love what you have so far! please keep going!
| SilverMoon16 12/18/05 . chapter 1
Wow - interesting start. i'm intrigued to see where this is going to go. update soon!