Reviews for ThreeYears Series

Reviews For: ThreeYears Series - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Mrs Hatake Itachi 2006-12-29 ch 3,	abuseNice!
Nessa Nenharma 2006-10-14 ch 3,	abuseHey, this was a really sweet story! Except for the grammr, dear, you really need to work on your grammar, it was very nice. Write more, wah wah wah! Oh, and Sakai and Rodrigo legally can't join the English soccer team, you know. I mean, you can't just walk into any country and join their national team. Clubs are okay. But you need to be citizens to actually play for a country. See you in your next attempt! Ciao!
midnight wandering angel 2006-05-05 ch 3,	abusei loved ur story!keep writing!^_^
Sabriel J 2006-01-21 ch 3,	abusecool. r u going to write more? plz!
Angel 2006-01-21 ch 3, anon.	abuseWow. Miki-san is a bit OOC (but 3 yrs can mild a person and make them grow up). It's great to be reading HH fics (rather deprive now that the anime is over). Look forward to new HH fics. May this grow to be a popular fic.
psquare 2006-01-15 ch 3,	abuseLife. is. so. good! Finally -- a Hungry Heart category! I've been waiting for months -- ever since I saw the end of the series -- for this to happen, and... it has finally happened. A true fan of Hungry Heart is satisfied, now. Thanks for writing this fanfic! Seriously -- you cannot believe the magnitude of my joy when I saw the "Hungry Heart" link in the anime category... Well, anyway, enough of my ramblings. Let's get to reviewing your story. Now, the idea of the fic was pretty good. I'm always happy to read some Kyousuke/Miki fluff, and I must say your story was pretty satisfying in that department. You also followed the history of Kyousuke's and Miki's romance pretty well. Well done. Spelling was pretty consistent, and so was the characterisation, though I'm not entirely convinced about Kyousuke's... well, I'll be getting to that later. Now, we get to the flip side: Grammar, my dear, grammar. You switch tenses at least a dozen times in a few paragraphs, and, quite frankly, it doesn't leave one a very good impression -- like a weird aftertaste that spoils a good meal. You seem to switch between simple past and simple present most often. For example: "It was what she really felt, she missed every single thing that made Kyosuke Kanou, Kyosuke Kanou and what made her fall for him. She misses his voice, his orange hair, his laughter, his bragging, every single part of him." "Misses" should be missed. And... "Miki always does this every time she comes home ever since he had left. She has nothing left to do, she found nothing left to do other than doing her homework and stuff like that…but nothing left interesting to be done after Kyosuke Kanou left." "Does" becomes "did", and "has" becomes "had". But the what the hell. I'm just a nit-picky grammar freak... Now, about the characterisation. Like another reviewer mentioned, I don't think Kyousuke would be that ready to admit his feelings for Miki, even to himself. That's just part of his stubborn -- and not to mention, adorable! -- nature, I guess. I don't have any qualms about Miki's characterisation, though I seriously doubt if she would be so wistful as she is here. I'd rather think that she's be tearing Kyousuke to shreds with her words in her letters for not coming to Japan as he had promised, yes? ^_~ Next, a few plot holes I'd like to point out to you. First of all, you need to give some good background information. What happened to Rodrigo and Sakai? (Koji is Sakai, right?) One line's hardly enough. A events-that-happened-three-years-later story, while mainly focusing on a character/couple, must give some importance to the others, as well. Did they go into college? Did Miki go into college? You make her sound as if she were still in high school. Three years later, wouldn't she be nineteen? Plus, I feel the Kyousuke/Miki reunion was rather rushed. It seemed like too little happened in the first two parts, and suddenly -- woosh! All the actions and the entire plot is squeezed into the third part, leaving you no time to tie up some loose ends. You could make this fic longer, make the realisations of their feelings more drawn-out. (and give my Hungry Heart-starved mind something to feast on, but that's another matter. ^_~ ) This plot has so much potential, and I'd like to see you develop it. Seriously I can see it all now -- the situations you can create, the characters you can rope in, the action you can write, the emotions you can express... oh yes, in my eyes, this fic is so NOT over... There's also another teensy, nit-picky thing that I'd like to point out: "Thus, it came as a surprise when Miki wrote to Kyosuke that his two team mates and best friends – Koji Jefferson Sakai and Rodrigo were given the chance to become pros like him, and the team that gave them such a chance was England’s Soccer Team, that meant that those two would still be working together and would make England’s national team more stronger." Sakai and Rodrigo are in essentiality now Japanese citizens -- they're not playing for the English NATIONAL team, but an English soccer CLUB -- clubs like AC Milan, and such. The NATIONAL teams come up during events like World Cups, when there's competition between countries, but otherwise, it's all clubs. National teams comprise of members coming from different clubs. So, if Kyousuke ever got selected for the national team, he'd have to play for Japan. Same goes for Sakai and Rodrigo. In actuality, I don't know much of soccer myself, but I got myself acquainted with the basics after watching Hungry Heart. ((sweatdrops)) I'm sorry if this review sounds rather overbearing and critical -- I really did enjoy your story, and I'm really, really happy that there's finally a Hungry Heart catergory. I've just given my honest opinions as to what can be done to make this fic even better. Take care, and keep writing!
anon 2006-01-15 ch 3, anon.	abuseReally great story... From where do u come up wid such inspiration?? Anyways just like you to know that in thegame kyousuke sneaks out of the hospital, the girls' team wins it(it's in their second year). the first time they lose, it's raining so ur rite about that one. likewise i just like to say that i absolutely LOVED ur fic. keep writing & thanx
Amazoness Archer 2006-01-13 ch 3,	abuseI know this is 3 years in the future, but, shouldn't Kyosuke be quite hesitant with these 'lovey-dovey' emotions? I suppose I just find that more entertaining. I've watched the whole series of Hungry Heart and I've never seen the slightest hint of make-up on Miki's face. I swear. Let alone wearing pink. I also suggest that the plot would be more interesting if Miki argued more with the Coach and Doctor. Miki isn't that lenient. ;) Anyways, this is your story. Great Job, and Keep it up. Always, A.A.
Amazoness Archer 2006-01-13 ch 2,	abuseSweet fic, full of reflections. Although it was quite redundant, but, I suppose some stories are like that. The main idea of this chapter was clearly expressed, very eptive. Keep it up! Always, A.A.
Amazoness Archer 2006-01-13 ch 1,	abuseVery interesing prologue, it's a shoe-in, curiosity catching intro. Three points for that. Sweet too. Always, A.A.
rr 2006-01-12 ch 3, anon.	abuseyour story was awesome.Keep writing please.
abcdzyxw 2006-01-06 ch 3,	abuseshort but sweet =) how 'bout a sakai fic? hehehehe
Devil Dairies 2006-01-04 ch 3,	abuseAw... Love the fluffy-ness!
Janelle 2006-01-02 ch 3, anon.	abuseI really liked your fanfic. I have been dying to read a fanfic about hungry heart for a long time. Like you i am a very big fan of hungry heart. I think i have watched each episode more than twice. I hoped you continue writting hungry heart fanfics cause your really good. I look forward to reading your next fanfic. God bless!
BlackTOshio 2005-12-29 ch 3, anon.	abusethe fic is nice but you miss lots of good parts from the anime. It would be better if Kyouske and Miki would still argue about every little thing. And the great failure you made is that you said that 3 years have passed ... well 3 years then nobody from the series would be in akanegaoka cause in the last ep they started their third/last year. just so you know : Kyouske is playing in Amsterdam and "England's National Team" is no professional soccer club. apart from that its quite nice to read

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