Please keep writing. This is good!

great story.

loved it will be waiting on more

My, my, my. I sure would love to have a woman like Mac in my life. She sure does a lot of sauntering. She sauntered towards the food. She sauntered toward the sink. Forro can only imagine how he would feel if he could watch Mac saunter all around his apartment. H - O - T. Sizzling.

While that descriptive word was only used twice in your narrative, you have to agree with Forro that it’s a very unique descriptive word. To saunter means to walk in a slow and relaxed manner. As if taking a leisurely stroll. It may just be Forro’s opinion, but people don’t saunter continually. They walk. Basing my assumptions on the fact that this is meant to be a H/M romance story, I would guess Mac’s sauntering around Harm’s apartment is supposed to be the not so subtle flirting going on between the two. *yawn*

Catching the word saunter twice in such close proximity to each other just tells Forro you had trouble coming up with a similar word to describe Mac’s movements. Find a thesaurus. They do wonders.

Alas, Forro has to admit that he detests songfics. What can I say? They rub me the wrong way, but I do try to keep an open mind when I come across them. I do, however, love this song. Which brings me to why I dislike the fact it’s been used here. Songfics are such fickle things, you must understand. This song, in particular, has one that line that repeats itself over and over and over again.

Oh my goodness, the woman is just wracked with confusion because she knows she has to go home. But oh deary me, her male companion is trying to convince her to stay. Well, sure, that’s all fine and dandy in a song, but for a story I just want to skip past the song and get to the point. It’s like, enough already! I understand! Mac doesn’t wish to stay, but Harm wants her to! Now, hurry up and tell me what happens next!

Point is, songfics are annoying. Period. Forro can only pass on a warning, since you have already incorporated this song into your story. Be Wary Of Songfics. They can be very cheesy and redundant when not done properly. In Forro’s opinion, it’s very hard to make songfics believable. If you ever find a good one, let me know.

Your last chapter could use a little formatting. Your paragraphs are just ginormous. Forro is not by any means an old fart, but hey, his eyes could use a little help when reading small text on a computer screen. I would suggest breaking them up into smaller, easier to read paragraphs.

Lastly, Mac is not deaf. She’s standing right in front of the man, for Pete’s sake. Harm doesn’t have to yell her name to get her attention.

Now, Forro must ride off into the sunset, but not before he reminds you to pay attention to your descriptive words. Don’t overuse words like “saunter” and double check to make sure your character doesn’t have to “yell” at someone to get their attention. “Yell” is such a strong word.

I don't believe it you can't let Mac walk out the door come on be a sweetie let Harm pull her back. hurry with your next instalment.

You're back !

And again it starts to be interesting. I love the way you write about the emotions. And do not disappear after 4 chapters- my doctor has forbidden me to get angry, my pregnancy is enough difficult without it ;-)

please let harm don't let mac go they belong together I really can't wait to read the rest

I'm with you Lisa. Harm and Mac should let go. After all, when they do, they'll each have a soft place to fall :)

Oh Harm and Mac, just let go! LOL I love these characters. This is great please update again soon!

I really hope they talk this one out.

Was really hoping he would stop Mac from leaving, now I am hanging on the edge of my seat to see if she stays :)

Huh? Well I guess that one came out of left field, but I'm looking forward to more.

great story.

Baby, it's hot inside. Don't leave Mac!

loved it will be waiting on more