I think you are doing well with the gradual change in Majo's behavior. Most people go gradually into madness so you are making it believable. I, too, like how you are throwing in other characters. As for Lenne, I would agree that she is a bit like Yuna but at the same time she is a bit different as well. They didn't really get too much into Lenne as they did Shuyin which leaves us in the dark on how Lenne truly was. Well I am looking forward to the next update. The story is truly getting very good and I enjoy reading it a lot.

I can see why you liked how this chapter turned out.

I totally understand what you meant about "rushing" the storyline. You want to write all the exciting stuff (because it's exciting), but without all the necessary buildup, you don't understand where the plot's going. I'm experiencing this now with a story I'm working on. So I'm writing all the exciting scenes first, and then connecting them with decent segues.

So to sum this rambling review up, don't feel like you need to rush the action, suspense is good too!

hmm, it was creative to think of what Bevelle may be like between the entrance and the main building- like perhaps they would just skip by all that in the game. But it does make more sense to not just walk right up to the main building as soon as you enter the place, especially since you see the immense size of the city in FFX.

oh, something different now? I wonder what that will be... tsk tsk, leaving that tidbit to make people want more. Anyways, keep up the speedy updates!

((I wonder if you will show what Majo is doing meanwhile?))

Good Job -

I personally think you are doing a great job on the story. This chapter was written pretty well. The action parts are very good and eerie at the same time. keep up the great job!

The idea of the infiltration is good, but the writing just really doesn't seem to flow well. I wasn't pulled into this chapter as I was with your previous ones. The writings just a bit to hectic- and unfortunately not in a way that matches the action going on.

On the plus side, the infiltration was a good idea and what was going on wasn't really confusing. So good job on that.

Can't wait for the next chapter. -

So it's finally begun! Kijo's mission! and yes, you are keeping life and death realistic, which is a good thing. That's something that's often hard to writers to do.

Loved the ending ;p definately better like this. Very effective- it almost sends chills down the spine just to read it.

Great Job! -

I think this is the best written chapter in the story so far!

Great descriptions of action on the battlefield. There's some sights, sounds, and smells that can't be found anywhere else, and you did a good job of bringing them to life here. Dividing the group up into smallers cells was good planning, too.

Keep it up!

Awesome action going on. Wondering what Majo and his group are up to. :)

Reading the part where the soldiers and Kijo saw the dead bodies and the blood all over the grass, made me visualize it well. It was indeed a solemn visualization. Keep up the great work. :)

Great chapter, as usual. I liked the description of the medical tents/ battle grounds and then the scene with Syph. It really helps to bring the realism of war into the story.

Anyways, keep it up. I'm awaiting the infiltration of Bevelle chapter, including a certain *event*. DON'T MESS IT UP! haha, kidding. no pressure (kinda)... anyways, keep up the updating. I really like not having to wait that long in between chaps!

Great Job! -

I like the way you are writing Shuyin. He is sending shivers down my spine. As far as your A.N about Majo and Kijo's friendship, I know that it's just a very close friendship and nothing more than just that. I enjoy their insults to each other, it's quite hilarious. I love the way you are writing this story and I anticipate the next chapter.

aw, it's so forboding. and yes, i do like what you're doing with Shuyin. I can just see the expression he would have on his face as he talks about saving Lenne...

Also, the little parallel scene you created with Majo and Kijo was very amusing- though it really did add to the forboding aspect. They're all going to die aren't they!

Anyways, another great chapter for a great story. Can't wait for the next one!

Great Job! -

Another good chapter!

The A/N regarding Shuyin's actions do chop up the flow a bit. A small bit of editing ('the young man' instead of 'he' perhaps, it's easily assumed Kijo is the older of those two) can fix that.

Always thought Yu Yevon was a bit of a whack-job. This chapter confirms it.

I know you've already heard what I think, but I know you like reviews so I'll try and remember what I said.

Oh! The suspense! I can't wait to find out what Majo has to do! You're really doing a great job of capturing the scenes and the characters. I already can't wait for the next chapter!

Good Job!

I liked the concept of this story from the beginning. Using Maechen to introduce the story was a very clever idea.

The characters are likeable, and for some odd reason, I find that strange. Like, who would've guessed that Kijo was really a bit of a pacifist at heart with a attittude? He's really enjoyable. Are we going to see the story mostly through his eyes, or are we going to be able to see what's going on with Majo as well?

I can't wait to see what comes next. Please update more frequently!