It’s funny how almost every Mary Sue is from the United States, or any other country except Japan. I don’t know. Does it make your Mary Sue special in some way? Would the fact that IT is foreign make people love her more than they ordinarily would have? I should think so. It seems that, as a rule, Mary Sues are always from foreign countries, and at the start of the fic, they always return to Kanagawa where their roots are. All Mary Sues seem to share a tragic past with one or more of the SD boys, and they’re usually so affected by it that they have to leave Kanagawa, usually as a kid, and move to the United States or someplace else. Usually their parents are estranged, and as a result, they lead very difficult lives. But yet they’re beautiful, and flawless, and change their clothes every five minutes, and have impossible eye colors, and are the center of attention wherever they go. And whenever an SD boy lays eyes on a Mary Sue, he asks his friend if he knows her, and he introduces her, usually adding an incredulous “Dude, you don’t know her?” in the process, and the SD star falls head over heels for her. Throughout the tale, the SD boy tries to open conversation with the Mary Sue, and the latter is so miserably oblivious of the former’s obvious feelings for her that one might conjecture that she lacks all five senses. And then He finds out about her past, and together, they help her get over it, and it’s a happy ending for everyone—but for the gazillion hearts the Mary Sue broke on her way to getting together with the featured SD boy.

There. I’ve practically summarized every single Mary Sue fic in existence. Ooh, you’re probably shocked. “How the f*ck did Kaiser Washington know? Is he omniscient? Is he psychic?” No, I’m neither omniscient nor psychic. But compared to people as stupid as you, I suppose that I do seem omniscient. Anyway, it’s called commonsense: something Mary Sue authors collectively lack, because their delusion doesn’t permit them to think. And they’re perpetually and inexorably deluded, so go figure.

What I find particularly discombobulating is why one should feel the need to describe every piece of clothing the goddamn Mary Sue wears in detail, going so far as to state brand names. “Her hair was wet.” Who the heck cares?! When you walk out onto the road, does every girl or woman around you go, “My hair’s wet. Not gonna dry it!”? And why is there any need to describe every single one of the Mary Sue’s actions and thoughts? From an inadvertent twitch of the eyebrow to an idle shifting of weight from one leg to another—does describing all this make you feel artistic or something? You’re so miserable, it’s scary. Just kidding. You’re too laughably stupid to be scary.

And as for your grammar, it’s less than mediocre. Be proud.

Winks* Too lazy to sign in. But not too lazy to read your story again... ^.^ well its sad to know that its discontinued, when its getting interesting.

Great story. You might want to reread it and change some things. Some things are like: She went to went to change her shoes" etc...Awesome English though!

Oh, and don't bother continuing this story. Nobody likes to read gibberish. Your story, unfortunately for you, is a perfect example of one. GARBAGE.

Is your brain too slow to even think of any other plot than rukawa-and-sendoh-falls-inlove-with-perfect-OC? Everything you wrote is so cliched it's even worse than watching the dumbest soap opera in the world. Oh, I forgot, I don't watch soap operas. That means I can't safely say that this fic is as abysmal as those stupid shows. Flattered? Don't be. I was just about to claim that this ugly story is the worst crap I've ever encountered.

Tata.

Rina Kirimi is just so COOL! She's smart, always top of the class, so good in playing basketball, and is so beautiful that the whole population of men in her new school fell instantaneously in love with her! Naturally, the women hate her. I'd bet while making this fan fiction, dear author, your delusional mind was dreaming of Akira Sendoh and wishing you could be Rina so you could seduce Sendoh and make him marry you!

While I was reading chapter three (or was it two?), I was slightly surprised (slightly only, since it's usual for canon characters to be OOC when Mary Sues are around) that Rukawa said to himself ‘She’s [referring to Rina] the girl from yesterday blah blah. She should look where she’s going’ or something of that sort. Aw, was I laughing at your stupidity! Rukawa, saying that? I think you even wanted him to say ‘My, that girl’s so ** hot I don’t mind if she bumps to me every time!’ Know what the REAL RUKAWA would have thought of your OC? Here: She should stop being a MORON and begin to look where she’s going.

Here’s another ludicrous scene: Sakuragi calling Rina a **. Well, you, Ms. Author, certainly are a pathetic one, but you could have spared poor Hanamichi. No matter how rude that guy is, I’m sorry, but ** doesn’t do it.

YOU SUCK.

CIAO.

>Fiamme^^

P.S. Come on, your Mary Sue just said ‘Akira’. Why would Rukawa assume it’s Sendoh? Is Sendoh the only Akira in the world?

hehehe..interesting neh!...lol keep updating pls!..I wanna read more!

Yaay!..lol ypu updated!...I think your story is really interesting so far..!...keep it up neh!

ok...about your story, it's your typical RuOCSen story...
somewhat similar start with my 1st story...
what else? i can't give a comment to the plot as of the moment coz it's just starting...
what i may point out is that you change the setting too fast (for me that is)
i dunno, maybe i'm just used to reading slow-paced stories...
nevermind me... ganbatte to your next chapters!

Woo!...you updated..hehehe...carry on!!

Hey~~ Im pleased that you updated!! Is Aya the Ayako that Miyagi likes or is it a totally different person?(A bit confused ==") Anywayz...plz update!!

YO! Surprise? Sorry I am a little lazy to sign in now. It had been sometimes since I visited the SlamDunk column. When I did out of such a long time, I saw your nick and decided to read your story. LOL, you did pretty good for a first fic. Like you said, you have good grammar unlike me, I have to go for beta readers. Since English is not my mother language it had been really difficult for me. Anyways, back to you, good plot in the story. I do hope you plan to update this fic. As for me, I don't think I am updating some of my fic yet. I caught food poisoning and is still under medication. So its very hard to keep sitting up typing for long hours. Anyways, you keep up your good work. I will be waiting for your new chapter.

update! pls update soon!

hi~~...the grammar is mostly good(just a few errors and spelling mistakes ^^")...not too bad...and kinda interesting...I have written many fics similar to yours..(hehe..dreaming about me being with Rukawa...