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| MrsJohnnySmith 2006-01-08 ch 2,  | abuseThis is a great fanfiction and I cannot wait to read more. You have to post more soon or I think I'll go insane. |
| HoganTime 2006-01-08 ch 1, | abuseI think this story is very confusing. At first, it looks like everything is like the show but then Sarah is the one lying in coma. The fact that you do not separate the different people when speaking doesn´t help either. You could double space between people, who are speaking and put the words they are saying in "". It would make your story a lot less complicated. Also try to give more attention to the surroundings and the people, you could put in some descriptions. It would help to make the story a little less abrupt. Now its really confusing as I said. Maybe you could also make it clear from the beginning, that this story is not like the television show, it would make the thing with Sarah clearer. What you could do too is make the thoughts of the people italic, so that they stand out from the rest. You really need to work on the lay-out, this way the story is not a very attractive read, I fear. On the other hand, it´s got potential, I like the storyline. Maybe you just need to work it over a bit. Greetings HoganTime |
| Emerald124 2006-01-07 ch 2, | abuseAnother good chapter. Whew! This could get ugly. |
| Emerald124 2006-01-04 ch 1, | abuseI think that this works pretty well. I also think that Sara and Mrs. Smith need to have a talk. What about Johnny helping Sara with his power somehow? Thanks for posting! :) |