Alright, let me just say that this was another great chapter, you do amazing work. When I read it it’s like I’m watching a painter work her magic. You’re truly a great writer. I love the story progression, it’s really picked up. I loved the fact that Kagome got to read Lynnette’s letter. Also, something I’m happy you put into the story, the bit about Lynnette’s pills. It was something I was going to ask about in the last chapter’s review, but forgot. Also, the bit about her being pregnant was priceless! Part of me saw it coming, but I must admit, I was still a bit shocked. I can’t wait to see what is going to happen next. There were no errors that I found. PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer’s Kingdom

'Even by daybreak, the atmosphere in Naraku's castle was still enshrouded in shadows and darkness. Miasma spread through every part of the grounds, weaving around like wisps of smoke.'

Right off the bat, this line was amazing. It was very vivid and I almost felt like I was there, looking out the windows of the castle.

'She found herself in the dying garden and had to bite her lower lip in dismay. "A lot like me isn't it, still looking mostly healthy, but dying inside unseen. Neither of us deserved this living death, but we couldn't control it could we?" She said softly to the dying plants.'

This line touched me. I feel like she's losing hope a little when I read it. I know that happy fluffy things are easy, but I want her to have a happy ending. Please give her at least that? My heart was just starting to heal and then you decided to take a hammer and smash the parts I had glued back together. Her in the garden was genius, it would make sense that she would love to garden, it's about creating life and keeping it sustained. The shots back to the group were great. I felt like it was very in character, and the dialogue was spot on. This whole chapter was beautifully written, I loved everything about it, especially the interactions between Lynnette and Kikyou. They were very heartfelt. At this point, I don't miss douchey Inuyasha, I would hate him if he was taking this time to be a jerk. You ended this chapter on a great note, and I do love the fact that Kikyou was willing to give the letters to the group. Part of me does wish that you would've ended chapter eleven with the Lynnette and Naraku scenes that you started this one with, and just started with the group, but it was still great. There were no errors that I saw, which is pretty impressive if I do say so myself for as long as this chapter was. Amazing job, once again.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

Alright, another amazing chapter. The more of this fic I read the more awestruck I become. You are a great writer and I look forward to reading your published works. But back to the fic, I loved the way Naraku and Lynnette interacted. I'm not sure if I like Kagura's character... she seems lifeless and one dimensional. I know that it's probably explained in the show, but I wish that in the fic you would explain a bit more about why she is the way she is. Lynnette's reactions in this were amazing, I do honestly believe that she would've tried her best to keep her composure calm and cool, however she better watch it. I kind of saw the Naraku's bride angle coming, but I'm sure that you will spice it up. I loved the angle at the end of Naraku realizing that she would need some time to adjust to her surroundings. You catch more with honey than vinegar. There were no errors that I found, great job.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies

Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

This chapter was great, as usual. Seriously, you just keep getting better and better, how do you do it? Or would that be like telling the secret ingredient to your great-grandmother’s famous apple pie? Well, either way, you’ve written yet another amazing chapter. I loved the dialogue between Lynnette and Naraku, it was very in character for her, and l could see everything very vividly, great job. When Kagome realized that it was a trap I was delighted with her reaction. It was so in character from what l've read so far. Lynnette being more afraid of heights than she was of Naraku was hilarious and I absolutely loved it. I loved how Sango had a brother, didn't see that coming. Since I don't watch the show it made it that much more of a shock and it was awesome. I hope they catch up to Naraku soon, I don't think I can stand to see Kagome and the rest of the group in shreds over this, not to mention the things that Naraku is going to do to/with her. Good plan not revealing what he wants with her... I must admit that I am hopelessly intrigued; you've succeeded in hooking me. Good job.

I did find one error, nothing serious.

"She terrified of heights." Kagome's tight voice told Inuyasha.

What I think you meant

"She's terrified of heights." Kagome's tight voice told Inuyasha.

Well, another amazing chapter, great job.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

You never dissapoint. This was another great chapter, and douchey Inuyasha came back! YAY! I missed him oh so much. The only thing that I didn't quite like was when Kagome told Shippou to stay with Lynnette, Lynnette didn't put up that much of a fight. It just seems like she would've wanted him to be with the team, helping out, and she would've disputed Kagome's decision more. But hey, that's just me. I loved how Lynnette stayed calm when she was talking to Kagura, she was awesome. Shippou didn't seem to be stepping up to protect her much... especially when he ducked behind her chair. There were no errors that I saw in passing. I love how the story is starting to pick back up. Once again, great job on this chapter, it's one of my favorites.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

Alright, let me first say that I noticed an error right of the bat. In your author's note you put 2 extra 2s at the end of turtlequeen2's username. Just so you know, wanted to get it out of the way before I forgot, also if this review is a little disjointed it's just because I reviewed as I went. I love how you pick up right where you leave off from the previous chapter, it makes me feel a bit better about them ending so abruptly. I loved how Lynnette got groped. Well, actually, no. I hated it for her, but for the story's sake, I liked the twist. I feel like the story is starting to pick up.

Lynnette, realizing that her hand was still outstretched, pulled it back. "Big growth spurt..." She numbly said in shock.

This line cracked me up. I literally laughed out loud. Then during the battle scene when Lynnette got thrown, I have to admit, it scared me a little, I was afraid she was going to get hurt. But I totally love how the cat saved her, it was... well... adorable is the only word that comes to mind. Also, Lynnette has had a lot of action this chapter. I just wanted the story to pick up a little, I didn't want her to have two near death experiences, that had nothing to do with her caner, in the same chapter! But, you didn't kill her, or hurt her that much, so I'm still happy. I don't like how Lynnette's father beat her, that upset me a bit. I think she's been through enough, but that's just my personal opinion. I liked the way this chapter ended, I felt like it was a much better stopping point.

I found some errors, nothing serious.

1.) Saimyoushou?" a calm, calculating voice called out. The darkness hid the man's frame, only allowing the gleam of his crimson eyes and his smirk to be seen, courtesy of the moonlight. His reached his hand out of the darkness to allow the hell insect to perch on his wrist.
2.) Kagome bit off a curse. "Your right..."
3.) The easily reached out and caught her weapon as it flew back towards the trio.
4.) "Inuyasha, if I may," Miroku interrupted. "It has been hectic with another addiction to our group. It would have been more wise to at least warn Kagome-sama. I wouldn't blame her if she had forgotten with her having to fret over Lynnette-sama's health."
5.)Lynnette have been taking her pills, when she had started to choke on one.
6.) "...there comes a time once a month where hanyous such as myself loose their demonic powers..." he trailed off. Before he could finish, the transformation began to start. "...Well I guess you'll have to see for yourself instead of me having to explain it to you.." he managed to get out before his body started to pulse.
7.) Once his fangs reduced into regular human canines, he gave her a bitter smirk. "This is my night of loosing my powers..." he finally stated. "The New Moon."

What I think you meant

1.) "Saimyoushou?" a calm, calculating voice called out. The darkness hid the man's frame, only allowing the gleam of his crimson eyes and his smirk to be seen, courtesy of the moonlight. His reached his hand out of the darkness to allow the hell insect to perch on his wrist.
2.) Kagome bit off a curse. "You're right..."
3.) She easily reached out and caught her weapon as it flew back towards the trio.
4.)"Inuyasha, if I may," Miroku interrupted. "It has been hectic with another addition to our group. It would have been more wise to at least warn Kagome-sama. I wouldn't blame her if she had forgotten with her having to fret over Lynnette-sama's health."
5.)Lynnette had been taking her pills, when she'd started to choke on one.
6.) "...there comes a time once a month where hanyous such as myself lose their demonic powers..." he trailed off. Before he could finish, the transformation beginning. "...Well I guess you'll have to see for yourself instead of me having to explain it to you.." he managed to get out before his body started to pulse.
7.) Once his fangs reduced into regular human canines, he gave her a bitter smirk. "This is my night of losing my powers..." he finally stated. "The New Moon."


This wasn't really an error, but you said 'red' like 3 times and I just thought that maybe you could leave one out, like this.

(original)
Lynnette was sleeping soundly, her red hair a mass of firey red curls surrounding a finely boned face. Even her eyebrows and long eyelashes were red.

(revised)
Lynnette was sleeping soundly, her hair a mass of firey red curls surrounding a finely boned face. Even her eyebrows and long eyelashes were red.

Don't mean to be picky, it just stuck out when I read it.
There is also a giant block of paragraphs with spacing errors, it's all just kind of lumped together. I went ahead and posted it here too, just as it was.

Kirara let out a small mew in surprise at hearing the popping of Lynnette's knee. The little neko followed beside her female companions as Sango let the other woman to her wheelchair. The taijiya helped Lynnette get back into her wheelchair before looking back to the others.
"It's okay kitty, it's okay.” She soothed her upset feline friend before looking to Sango “Thank you very much Sango."
"You're welcome," Sango smiled. She looked over at the hanyou and let out a small sigh as she saw him shift in impatience.
Lynnette wouldn't look at Inuyasha, so she busied herself with Kagome's fussing.
Miroku nearly rolled his eyes at the hanyou. Shippou, now on his shoulder, did exactly what the monk was trying to suppress.
When both kagome and Lynnette were both satisfied with the fix, Kagome looked up. "Who’s turn is it?" She asked.
The monk was about to open his mouth to offer, but glares from the all the other women told him otherwise.
Inuyasha rolled his eyes and decided to do it since no one else was bothering to step up quick enough. "I'll do it," he stated, suppressing the growl that was threatening to work its way into his throat at their slow paces.
Lynnette gave a bland smile. "Thank you very much."
He gave a small nod before getting behind her chair and gripping the handlebars. He began to push her forward once again at the regular walking pace of an average human so as not to make her fall out.
Kagome walked near them, with Shippou on her shoulder.
Smiling, Lynnette closed her eyes, content with her world at the moment.

But other than that it was another great chapter. Good job.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

You know I really miss the douchey Inuyasha... you made me dislike his character only to make him an okay guy, I still have no idea who I want Kagome with, I'm leaning towards Lynnette, but she's still very sick. It seems like everyone is beginning to truly accept Lynnette in their own way. Lynnette is hurting and it makes me sad. I really hope that they find a cure for her cancer, or at least something to help her out a bit. My only complaint is that I feel like the chapters end very abruptly, not like cliffhangers, but almost like you got to the middle of the chapter and then decided to stop. This chapter felt like a filler chapter to be honest, but even at that it was still good. I like the interactions between Lynnette and Inuyasha, even though I miss him being a jerk, you get to see more of her fears and her walls being let down. There were no errors that I found, good job.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

Another great chapter. You truly are an amazing writer, and I mean that. I loved the playful banter between the group, it was hilarious. Also, the way Shippou didn't understand Lynnette and Kagome's bond. I can see where it might be hard to grasp the bond between friends when they have been through that much together. Especailly when you're slightly hostile towards one and extremely loyal to the other. I loved how Lynnette got turned on by Kagome and Shippou was like *GASP* and Inuyasha got all super pissed off, that was a nice touch. I truly like this fic, but I'm not sure what direction it's taking, it's going very slow, but I still love it to death. There were no errors that I noticed. Sorry this review is so short, but I can only think of so many praises before I start repeating myself, and I need to save some for future chapters. Great job yet again.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

This fic is beautiful. I absolutely love the character of Lynnette, even though she breaks my heart into a million little pieces. She is amazing. I do believe that your setting detail could use a little work. Since I've never watched the show it's hard for me to picture the characters, but other than that your writing is spectacular.

I did find a few minor errors, nothing serious.

1.) "Kagome's putting my things in a separate pack that will hang the back on my chair." Lynnette said, as she belted the fanny pack around her waist with a bit of wiggling. "Kagome might need help. We bought extra Ramen and goodies." She did not add that she had she own supply of ramen

2.) Lynnette's eyes widened before she spoke to the cat demon in her lap. Put on a bit of a growth spurt do you kitty?"

What I think you meant

1.) "Kagome's putting my things in a separate pack that will hang the back on my chair." Lynnette said, as she belted the fanny pack around her waist with a bit of wiggling. "Kagome might need help. We bought extra Ramen and goodies." She did not add that she had her own supply of ramen

2.) Lynnette's eyes widened before she spoke to the cat demon in her lap. "Put on a bit of a growth spurt do you kitty?"

Well, I think that's it, another great chapter. I'm in love with this fic, I just wish you guys updated it more often, but life tends to get in the way of these things, so I understand, great job so far either way.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

Alright, once again please let me praise this fic. It is just getting better with each chapter, you don't dissapoint. One thing I did notice is that Kagome leaves a lot of things conveniently open for Inuyasha to find, first her journal, now her photo album... just sayin. You know, I didn't really like Inuyasha being a douche, but now he's all soft. I'm not sure I like that either... I know, you just can't please some people. I think I liked him better as a jerk, I mean you already made me dislike his character, now you're switching it up on me. This is such a heartbreaking fic.

"Yes, and no. We are soul sisters. Her heart has been given to another, and even if I were to tell her, I... I have nothing to offer her now..."

This line really got me, I think that everyone can empathise if not relate to it. You're totally setting me up to fall in love with a triangle, I'm not quite sure who I want Kagome with at this point. Guess that all depends on if there is some miraculous cure for cancer in the feudal era. But I'm seriously loving Lynnette, she's a very unique character. great job.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

Alright, let me start by saying that this fic keeps getting better with each passing chapter. I liked how Inuyasha showed a bit of a soft side (I knew there had to be one in there somewhere) and how we learned more about the oc, Lynnette. You've done a really good job at taking a fandom that I know almost nothing about and making a fic that is understandable. I did find some very minor errors, so please let me take a minute to point them out, I put the whole paragraph down in hopes that it would be easier for to find the line and correct it.

1.) The hanyou seen the all-white building, looming up ahead under the moonlight. He hopped onto the structure that was underneath the window of Lynnette's room. He jumped onto the ledge, thanking his luck that the window was unlocked.

2.) Growling softly, she continued "I was the one who dried her tears as she cried on my lap. It was mewho helped her find the courage to help you find the shard after all you have done to her. You have caused her many wounds on her soul, and I had to remain here in this time only towatch helplessly as she went back for more time after time." Suddenly tired after her outburst, she leaned back on the pillows. "Too bad I am far too weak now to give you the beating that you so richly deserve."

3.) Her head had cocked to one side as Lynnette had patently waited for the scared hanyou's answer. The flames of emotion had gone out in Lynnette's eyes, leaving an empty and despairing shadow on her face. "You hurt her out of your own fear because you think she cannot handle herself?"

4.) Lynnette shot him a look of silent reproach for his outburst. "I was referring to that fact that Kagome might not share the same feelings for you the Kikyou once had." The blue veins of her hands and neck showed clearly against her pale skin."

5.) The hanyou looked confused that statement. Wanting to change the subject away Kagome, he looked for anything that catch his attention. Then he spotted food in a tray next to her bed. It was untouched. He then remembered Kagome's fretting words about Lynnette not eating enough. Clearing his throat, he remarked, "So why don't you eat?"

6.) Lynnette sighed, staring at the pills "I'm not even if they'll let me out of here, even though I'm off that damn chemo..." The word "chemo" was spoken with a gut level hatred.

7.) "Inuyasha, I'm dying, and my scent must sicken you more with every second. What point would there be in saving me from an outside threat when I'm dying from the inside? At this point, I'm more worried about Kagome than I am for myself? If my death with save Kame, so be it."

8.) "The hardness means I'm in the final stage of this kind of cancer. Every time it get a little harder, I'm one step closer to dying. The pictures I saw today showed me that the cancer is shoving my stomach, they told me that within three weeks the pills and liquids will be all I'll be able to ingest, if that."


The way that I think you meant it to be.

(seen to saw)

1.) The hanyou saw the all-white building, looming up ahead under the moonlight. He hopped onto the structure that was underneath the window of Lynnette's room. He jumped onto the ledge, thanking his luck that the window was unlocked.

(Just a couple spacing errors)

2.) Growling softly, she continued "I was the one who dried her tears as she cried on my lap. It was me who helped her find the courage to help you find the shard after all you have done to her. You have caused her many wounds on her soul, and I had to remain here in this time only to watch helplessly as she went back for more time after time." Suddenly tired after her outburst, she leaned back on the pillows. "Too bad I am far too weak now to give you the beating that you so richly deserve."

(patently to patiently)

3.) Her head had cocked to one side as Lynnette had patiently waited for the scared hanyou's answer. The flames of emotion had gone out in Lynnette's eyes, leaving an empty and despairing shadow on her face. "You hurt her out of your own fear because you think she cannot handle herself?"

(Extra quotation mark at the end of the paragraph)

4.) Lynnette shot him a look of silent reproach for his outburst. "I was referring to that fact that Kagome might not share the same feelings for you the Kikyou once had." The blue veins of her hands and neck showed clearly against her pale skin.

(just a few missing words, 'confused at that statement' and 'Wanting to change the subject away from Kagome'

5.) The hanyou looked confused at that statement. Wanting to change the subject away from Kagome, he looked for anything that catch his attention. Then he spotted food in a tray next to her bed. It was untouched. He then remembered Kagome's fretting words about Lynnette not eating enough. Clearing his throat, he remarked, "So why don't you eat?"

(another missing word 'I'm not even sure if they'll let me out of here,')

6.) Lynnette sighed, staring at the pills "I'm not even sure if they'll let me out of here, even though I'm off that damn chemo..." The word "chemo" was spoken with a gut level hatred.

(incorrect punctuation)

7,) "Inuyasha, I'm dying, and my scent must sicken you more with every second. What point would there be in saving me from an outside threat when I'm dying from the inside? At this point, I'm more worried about Kagome than I am for myself. If my death with save Kame, so be it."

(singular word instead of plural)

8.) "The hardness means I'm in the final stage of this kind of cancer. Every time it gets a little harder, I'm one step closer to dying. The pictures I saw today showed me that the cancer is shoving my stomach, they told me that within three weeks the pills and liquids will be all I'll be able to ingest, if that."

Alright, I think that is all of them. Once again, this is a great fic and you never cease to amaze me with your writing genius.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

I really liked this chapter. The detail jumped out and slapped me in the face a little bit, as usual. I know a little bit about what was going on and although I did like Inuyasha's reactions to what was around him I wasn't sure that I liked him in general. Lynnette's character broke my heart slightly. I don't particularly like dying characters, but I like this fic enough that I will deal with it. However, Kagome seems to be taking a lot of s* from Inuyasha when she is going through so much. There were no errors that I saw. I love the semi-cliffhanger ending of this chapter. Well played, as usual I look forward to reading more.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

I think that this was really good, I'm still a bit fuzzy on what is going on, but I like the flow that you've got going.

I did find one error however.

"Three hours later Kagome was home and treaded dully up to her room, her lively chocolate brown eyes were dim and complete lifeless. To Inuyasha’s nose, Kagome reeked of sickness, death and disinfectant."

I think that it's supposed to be

"Three hours later Kagome was home and treaded dully up to her room, her lively chocolate brown eyes were dim and completely lifeless. To Inuyasha’s nose, Kagome reeked of sickness, death and disinfectant."

This was definately my favorite line however, I loved the detail.

i hate your boyfriend/ilike2eatbabies
Member of Reviewer's Kingdom

Bloody interesting chapter... can't wait for more!

Wispr

I really like how you are writing Naraku.

Wispr