Slightly Shakespearean, better than most would have done. Very interesting idea.

It is written well, though some parts do not have very good grammar.
But you said when he was AT the pearly gates. He didn't even get to go there. It was al just "doth" this and "Fie!" that. I seriously think you should add the questioning of St. Pietre, the... INTERROGATION of St. Pietre to Paris. There seriously wasn't anything here at all.

I'm...confuzzled. Very pretty, though.

Cool! This is really good!

WOW! This is really good! It puts me to shame!

A few suggestions:

A "ghostly father" is a priest, specifically, one's confessor. It is not, as you seem to put it, God, or St. Peter, or Christ.

"A gate and tow as dead as I, I fain."
This is remarkably unclear. 'Fain' The phrase 'I fain' means 'happily' or 'willingly.' "I fain would go to the store" means "I would gladly go to the store. It is not a verb.

"Tybalt brawls no longer, and my Lord Capulet, though moved no match for fiery youth’s steel." I think that you want to say that as Tybalt is dead and Lord Capulet no match for Romeo, there is no reason by Romeo should be dead. Again, you are quite unclear.

Your next sentence implies that the ghost of Paris has seen Capulet's shade clutching the vial of poison.

"Death in the likeness of life preserved. It is writ, “There be no wise counsel from untempered sorrow”. Here the author’s proof!"

The connection between the first sentence and the one preceding it is tenuous at best. Is it really that self-evident that a vial should contain a healthful medicine? But what follows is nearly a complete non sequitur.

I believe that 'doth' is properly used only with the 3rd person singular, not with the 3rd pl, as you have it. You could get away with it if you changed the phrase to 'My Juliet with her Romeo doth pass.'

You repeatedly use 'mine' and 'mind' where you want to use 'my.' 'Mine' is used only before a vowel, as in 'mine honor' or 'mine own." But it is "O my daughter, o my ducats,' and so 'my ghostly father,' etc.

I wonder if you are also confused as to the meaning of 'shrift.' It refers to the act of Confession.

You importune someone with a question; you don't importune the question itself.

"Mine humor not portentous, let ancient shrift come, let unattainted judgment pass."

I have no idea what you are trying to say, here.

Well, I'm not on expert on Shakespeare, but I think it is indeed worthy. I'm not sure why I like it, but on to my Favorites List it goes!