Ha! Funny ending. How ironic, last summer I also found a magic land, got kidnapped, escaped with a broken ankle, participated in a battle and found out i was a princess. LOL

funny

nice

I lke the Episode VI joke.

You are getting very good at cliffies.

i was just thinking, this would make a GREAT movie, and so would the prequel.

Very nice. i am running out of ways to word my compliments.

Aww, so sweet, i cried, again.

Nice, i like it.

Interesting

Very Nice, did you name Andrew after Andrew Adamson?

cute ending. I see you got the hang of the page breaks, good job. I was always confused when I first was uploading chpts because my page breaks would suddenly dissapear

I seem to be full of little nitpicks today lol. I apologize if it feels like I'm picking this apart, but I really want you to have the best story you can.

Instead of 'alright', it's "all right". Remember to spell out the numbers under 100.

Also, a way of keeping your descriptions flowing smoothly, try to combine sentences sometimes. It helps to keep it from seeming abrupt

And watch for Americanisms (cringe) like "awesome" :D They get me too, don't worry, but I've found a good website that helps me and my British godparents :) I can help you out if you want :)

Also, with dialogue, if it's the same person speaking, keep it on the same line, otherwise it tends to get confusing. And between sentances, make sure you have the double spaces :)

Other than that, I'd say you're doing a good job of characterization.

very sweet, you've got the perspective of a young child well put down

Just a suggestion for your flashback. Put it in italics and don't put "Flashback". It interupts the flow of the story and I think it will help it move smoother and keep you in the emotional context of the story. (I had done this in my fic and then a reviewer of mine pointed it out and I fixed it. It does work better :) )

Just a few quick things before I continue.

Make sure you spell out any numbers under 100. Also, some parts are confusing when you suddenly switch view points, you might want to put a page break like - or something along the lines of that when you switch. I know that fan fiction dot net doesn't allow some formatting, so I've found that you have to check it over before you upload the chpt to your story

Also, watch out for grammatical errors. Though you dialogue does flow very well (kudos to you for that! It's hard!), some of your description is a bit stilted.