 Is_The_One_Who_Stole_The_Lexy 2009-12-28 . chapter 12 Well well well, I am most hooked by this story
And I look at a lot of ItaSaku
Cuz I'm sad and quite bored and have to read as many ItaSaku Fanfictions as I can
And I must say that this is an incredible story, you've portrayed Itachi and Sakura quite well. I also enjoyed the semi-random input from Inner_Sakura.
Please update A.S.A.P, I'm afriad I can not wait for the next chapter! |
 Geniusly-Unique 2009-06-25 . chapter 12Your story DOES have quite a few grammar mistakes, I must admit. In this sentence, 'If I did make that mistake, please point out where I made that mistake,' I can't find any grammar mistakes (but I'm quite young, so you can't take my word for that; it's somewhat confusing for me) but the sentence is awkward. You should say something like, "If I did make grammar mistakes, please point them out to me." Although that isn't a great example, I just wanted you to know.
I'll give you slightly better examples: (1)'“So, what did you say about *cannot* *getting* hurt?”' or (2)'He would like nothing more than gather her in his arms, *kissed* her tears away, *soothing* the stern furrow of her brows, and then *made* love...'
For (1), you should have put something like "So, what did you say about not being able to get hurt?" only, that is too long and kinda awkward, so a better substitution would be: "What was that? You 'can't get hurt'?" (sorry, only my opinion).
For (2), the past tences 'kissed' and 'made' are very out of place. Also, the word 'soothing' should be soothe because... it's should be something like
"He'll do that, do that, and then do that." or "He'll be doing that, doing that, and then doing that." Not "He'll do that, doing that, and then do that."
(I can't exactly explain everything to you properly because I only know that the sentences ARE wrong, not why. I have lived in Canada for all of the short years of life, and I know these things (that is, grammar) by instinct. There isn't much thought incorporated when I notice the mistakes. I just know they are mistakes right away.)
There are many more mistakes in your story -which is still terrific by the way- and I suggest that you get a beta. The constant problems with plural/singular tence, past/present/future tense, occasional misuse of a word (e.g: there-their-they're, though I don't notice much of this) and other mistakes mar your [otherwise wonderful] story... a lot. Are you going to be updating soon though? I know you would be quite busy because of university. Hope you have luck there! (And warn me if the next chapter includes Itachi and Sakura making love. I don't want to be reading things like that yet... ^^"" |