Excellent enjoyed the fic a lot great job!

I've read all ur HP stories and they r fantastic!! Your a very talented writer and I look forward to reading more of your work

When I first looked over this story, I was confused as to how little reviews you had. Now having finished it, I am beginning, although admittedly still struggling, to understand. First off understand that the tremendous effort you must have put into this story, shines through in every sentence. I love the tastefully chosen chapter names a lot and you were incredibly good at keeping people in character, even if those characters were formed somewhat to your will.

Now, one of the first problems I had with your story was with the timing. Throughout your story there are points where supposedly large periods of time have passed. In future writings, you should be careful how you do this. In this case, I was left unclear as to when the story started and when it ended within a set time frame. You have to be sure to somehow make mention of the passing time as well because your story has a tendency to be read as in the moment, and so if a large passage of time comes, it doesn't make as much sense as it should. Take Hermione's pregnancy, one second we find out she's pregnant, apparently it's been ten weeks which is one shock, and then suddenly she's going into labor. We don't have that growth period of her pregnancy.

Fleur as well, one minute she's barely pregnant and the next she has a swollen stomach and then woops! out pops a baby. This is really just a little bit of an example of what I mean. Where you did the timing right however, was when Harry was first captured, you matched the time he was captured to the time they spent looking for him very well. It felt like he was in there for the amount of time you meant to be.

This timing thing was really one of the biggest issues and truly, to be a successful writer you must be able to convey a proper feeling of the passage of time. Not to take away from your prowess as the incredible author you already appear to be.

As to the reviews, I think that may have something (among other things I'm sure) to do with the darkness of this piece. It is very very dark and angsty which I figure was probably your point. You should realize however, that sometimes a little bit more hope is necessary. You killed a LOT of people. Which I know was the feeling you were going for but at the same time know, that to bring across that amount of loss adequately is incredibly difficult unless you've been through something similar, even as a writer with an incredible talent and imagination. A good story makes it seem like it can go on without you, even when you've finished reading it. It's hard as a reader to imagine life after this story. Granted even though this is a fantasy story, there still needs to be a sense of realism in it. With Ron, you brought us into his death and the devastation of that but he wasn't the only one who died. Tonks was good as well, but there were so many others and a bit of that feeling was not conveyed as it should. You have created a veritable Holocaust with your story and I don't know if you've read Holocaust literature or not, but that is some of the feeling you're missing. It's almost like you went half-way with the drama, but you can't do that. If you're going to do a Holocaust like atmosphere, do it right and realize that no matter what you do, it's going to be dark and bitter and wrong. The light at the end of the tunnel is very far off and the people are changed forever.

Back to the babies. I will admit, it was a little weird with the two of them giving birth. Like I said their pregnancies weren't exactly the most believable of them all, and their labors. Hermione's especially. All of a sudden she has a baby and the baby is perfect and there isn't even a cone head, and there are just numerous other little details, staring with how on earht Hermione knew what she was doing and when that didn't really make sense. She could read her child's cry from the first one? I mean, here's the thing and this applys to really anything you write: If you want to write about a subject like that, or include it in your story, research it and get the facts write. Make it real and believable and THEN after that you can put the alternate reality twist, that way people can have their suspension of belief's without pushing it too far.

One last thing and then I'm going to stop with my ridiculously long critique. Your summary, I think, does not reflect your story well. I'm actually not looking at it right now, but I can tell you that a good summary will draw the readers in like flies to honey. I'm sure you already know this but I'm going to say it anyway. To be blunt, it was rather weak and made the story come across like Hermione had a secret and was going to save the day. It was written in a way that made the story behind it seem well written and thought out. Just something you should consider with future stories.

On the whole, it really was a fantastic effort. A little too dark for my tastes as I'm not exactly fond of blood baths, and there are many other issues as well, but this story isn't exactly new and that's what other reviewers are for. Great job and I look forward to more writing from you in the future and hopefully, an actual original piece of your own in print for the rest of the world to read. If you could write this, you could write that as well.

I have mixed feelings about this fic. It is an incredible piece of work! The amount of effort is astonishing and you have accomplished quite a fantastic feat! I'm happy a talented author such as yourself followed through and competed your story.

I did not cry or get emotional like some other reviewers because it is perhaps I didn't enjoy it as much. You can't please everyone and I'm definitely don't think this is a bad fic by any means. My issues lie in various areas of the story.

I felt there were confusing parts where I couldn't picture what or where the characters are. Some parts were vague. Sorry I can't be more specific right now. The story seemed to drag on a lot and I found myself skimming through a little bit. I also got irritated at the same plot points being used over and over. Specifically, Harry's feeling guilty and powerless all the time and Hermione's reassurance and need to be needed. It happened A LOT. They also seemed to vomit quite a bit everywhere. Yes I can understand the situation that they were in but it simply became repetitive. I also felt the climax was sort of anti-climatic. I thought I felt the final confrontation with Voldemort building significantly and the use of one spell where they all faint again was a bit of a let down. Harry was portrayed as weak so much of the time, it was uncomfortable. I thought it would have been a cool duel with Harry using double his strength because he got his original magic back. I kinda wish they used the wand bond too.


Now that Harry had absorbed Voldemort's magic as well I'm am left wondering HOW ON EARTH can his daughter even hope to compare and surpass him as said in the prophecy?! :)

Aw boo Tonks died. Having Ron die was a twist for me because I was confident it would have been H or HR.

All in all, I would say this was a triumph for you! I'm just picky is all ;) I hope you aren't burned out from this as I bet you have a lot of fans.
Oh and what happened to Aberforth at the end?

Thank you for this story.

Well written and with a good plot, some interesting new ideas.

I didn't like it as much as your other stories as I prefer happier ones. This story was doom-laden, dire, and full of dread from beginning to end. I am impressed with how consistently you portrayed the persistent pressure and stress of waiting for combat.

I feel you have written a powerful story, but I think i will now have to re-read one of your happier stories in order to uplift my mood :-)

thanks again for all your stories

Thanks for sharing your story. I wish I could say I liked it more, but, well... I think the problem is that Hermione, in canon, has a number of pretty unattractive personality traits that become even more so when she's the focus of the story. But that speaks well for your ability to accurately portray Hermione's character.

One other thing that jumped out at me in an earlier chapter was your characterization of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" as a "Muggle reference." Religion in general and Christianity in particular is not unknown in JKR's wizarding world; many of the characters mention God (in vain, admittedly), and both the Potters' and Kendra and Ariana Dumbledore's graves had quotes from the Bible on them. (Though I don't know when you wrote that chapter, so...)

Lastly, in an even earlier chapter, Luna says something like, "isn't that putting the thestral before the carriage?" That probably should have been the other way round...

This is was a beautiful story only i wish that Harry had died instead of Ron.

I think it would be near impossible to put into words how very much I LOVED this fiction. Just incredible- the depth of the plot, the interaction of characters, Harry and Hermione's relationship (which was just beautifully written) - all of it was just stunning. There were parts that I had difficulty comprehending how you managed to write- the rally in particular. It was just so visual and amazing, ghastly and *real*. Wow. Without a doubt, one of my all time favourites. You even managed to make me cry!
Incredible writing.

A true masterpiece

:'( im crying SOO HARD over Ron's death, i cant even imagine tyring to explain how sad that is. Your story is the best ive EVER read and probably will be for years to come. Thank you for writing this.

Ron's death made me cry, a testamite to how real you made him in your tale. The wrap up lacks a bit of credibility yet prefer this type of an ending to Rowling's, "19 years later..."

Very tense but still poignant.

I especially liked this:

“I think you’ll be able to defeat him, Harry,” and she quickly outlined the idea she and Fred had conceived, using Priori Incantatem from the brother wand to separate Voldemort from his magic.

Much more satisfying than defeating Voldemort with Expecto Patronum!
And the end here is very chilling.

Ron's saving Hermoine and Laurel was extremely touching. I'll admit to being surprised that he lived and Tonks died. Also, I should have mentioned earlier how please I was that you've allowed a Slytherin to be one of your heroes. (But Tonks wasn't a Lion. She was a loyal Badger.)
I have noted in later chapters that you've portrayed Fred as working with Hermoine on the research and spell design. It helps to alleviate my 'Moine teeth bashing somewhat but did you know that Percy received more O.W.L's than the insufferable know it all?

OMFGawd!