Heehee, Torn is hot! Good opening I'm curious to know now what's gonna happen to Alex. Your writing is good too.

Okay first of all Ember before you go flaming my story look at yours, it’s not all that it sucks. Ha you call this a good story please!! I know about you already and I know you love too flame people’s fanfic’s and that’s all you can do is flame!

Get your people after me all you want your flames will simply be ignored because I have a life and hearing worthless flames is taking up my time. So before you go flaming everybody's damn story look at your own because this shit isn't even good.

Duh! I'm here to unleash my imagination and if I want Jak to be a damn Vampire then that’s my choice not yours, You don't like my story then don't read it!! I said that in my note if you can read!! And use common sense, don’t like the story then don’t read it!

While I've made a fair attempt to play the first two J&D games, I can't say I recall enough to be familiar with the fandom.

So... this Mary Sue Academy was IN the story-world? It isn't quite the same as my idea.

Anyhow, after it's... I dunno... about 20k words long, be sure to let me know so I can give it a real try.

Good opening! I'm usually bad at those. And that's an okay length. Did you know if you use a large font it still turns out font twelve on fanfiction?! Anyway, i saw not typos. Very descriptive. and blady blady blah. whatever. i'm bored now. What'll i do? I wish that my dad wasn't constantly on the playstation...