 Sprite3 2008-08-28 . chapter 1Oh wow can you imagine, I am reviewing a story posted more than 7 years ago :) I hope my comments will reach you in a way!
When Ricardo was first shown in the TV series, it took me some time to warm up to this character, but I am glad now some fans bring him back into their own stories. It's always funny how no one ever believes his stories, and even as a reader I have a hard time believing anything he says.
I think my favorite sentence is ""Ah, sweet romance or sweet adventure," Diego said out loud. "They are one and the same," he mused, smiling." :) This made me smile, felt like Diego all right!
As for constructive criticism, I have a few things to say. First, I felt it took some time for the plot to "kick off", especially because many scenes in the beginning ended without having any cliffhanger feeling to it. It does not matter really for the plot, but as a reader, I didn't feel compelled or curious to read the next part, and so on. I only started to be really intrigued when Ricardo and Diego met with the Capitan and found out the exact same story happened to another man, and only then did curiosity pushed me to read the rest of the story.
I also found a few scenes were a little awkward, as if they didn't fit the story, such as the scene with Diego thinking Bernardo is an intruder in his bedroom.
One other slightly odd thing is how Diego never tried to explained that the bandits forced him to wear Zorro's clothes! If i were about to be hanged for real, I think I would try to yell this out to anyone within earshot :) Also odd there was no trial, especially since no one really knows Zorro's identity. Maybe I am being too logical, but as a representative of the law, I wouldn't be trusting every stranger's claim of capturing Zorro especially with 20 pesos reward, eheh.
Overall, I found this story very, very reminiscent of the Disney episodes, in terms of pacing, plot, and characters. I find it great that Diego did not even have to act like Zorro, for once :) All the elements of an adventure were there, even the beautiful lady in danger! Good going for Ricardo :D |
 The Gemini Sage 2003-04-05 . chapter 1that was WONDERFUL! it was just like watching the series again! this is going on my favorites list. you should make some more, only with deigo being zorro, or his father knowing. oh yeah, and i loved the fact that you put richardo in there. next to zorro/deigo hes my favorite character. |