Ok, you got me a little confused when you started using the pronoun 'I'. It took me a bit to figure out who's point of view the story all of a sudden switched to. But, I seem to be the only one who got lost, so maybe its just me. Other than that, good job.

:)

nice

i always enjoy well done death fics

you do have one factual error in here

don was the head of the Albuquerque office so he didnt have a superior there

no one has the right to let main characters dieEspecially Don?...seriously...that's too sad.(Charlie would be ok :))

Don's not allowed to die. not until he finished to make at least 10 seasons of numb3rs.

Don-whumping is always allowed, but dying? NO WAY!

so please...how about a chapter were he's standing up from the deaths to the livings?...I'm kidding...am I?

Funeral very touching. Go and revised the can have alternate endings. SOme authors do, so there's a choice for the readers. It will be a much better read for all who prefer a different ending. thanks for the and see and see the reviews you will get.

Hi,

Great story, but killing off a main character in you first fic is not so hot. It was good though. Try one where he gets hurt, but lives please? Even a coma foe a few months is better than a funeral. Think Star Trek always kill the guy with the red shirt never Captain Kirk, Spok, Doc MacCoy, or Scottie.

Thank You

*sniffs!* this was so sad to read! Poor Alan and Charlie!

This piece was well thought out, but the changes in point of view from third person to first made for a confusing read. It would also benefit from a thorough spell check.

It was good. I liked the good-byes, it was very strong when Alan was telling his son good-bye. And the last moment- very well put.

I think you tried to keep it conservative, and realistic. I would have liked to see more raw emotion, more comfort scenes- it was good, but it seemed to go too fast for my liking. Also, I'd love to see you more descriptions. What did Don look like when they went in to say good-bye? Was he pale, dry blood on his cheek? Did Alan's face suddenly look lined with years of care? All around, what was the weather like? What did the doctor look like? Was the hospital busy? Little things can really make things pop. Right now, just by reading, I get a small picture of the characters all sitting together in some straight-back chairs, but with even more description, maybe I'd see gray plastic chairs that were horribly uncomfortable, Colby sitting backwards on the chair, Megan and Larry both sitting next to eachother, exchanging solemn glances. There's a lot you could add that could also add to the characters.

Your summary was great! It's very grabbing- especially the title, seeing a characters name in the middle of a page of titles.

I also enjoyed your style. It was easy to read, I didn't really have to go back and re-read to remember it. It stuck the first time around.

You repeated some information almost three times in one chapter about the location of Don's wounds. That really caught my eye, but that's oppinion.

All in all, you did a rather good job! Emotions seemed to be right, a few characters seemed off, but the truth is, when so many people use the same characters, they start to sort of develope different personalities because of the authors perspective. Such is the case with Numb3rs. Perhaps your perspective is more correct then mine, we will probably never know.

Again, an enjoyable read. ;)

wow, emotional and beautiful at the same time.