Reviews for Batman: Fading from the Light

Reviews For: Batman: Fading from the Light

digi-gal-rox
2006-05-20
ch 1,

abusekinda confusing at some parts, but really good!

Onlyaman
2006-05-05
ch 1,

abuseHi LeatherWings,

Thank you for this story. I have some suggestions for changes, just in case you want to go through it again:

“Elsewhere Dick Grayson a.k.a. Nightwing.” Maybe you could ad a paragraph here, to make it easier to see that there is a change of scene. I just did not get this, when reading it first. Then it would work perfectly well. The change of scene is showing what the commissioner wants his daughter out of. That’s a very good idea.

After Dick won over the guy with the cowbar: The scene is not really clear to me. You mention that 1. The second guy comes out of the store then “running at Dick” and punching him in the chest. Then after standing up again “Dick runs at him” but you never mention, that the second guy went away from Dick after hitting him. (If I got the scene completely wrong, concider my being german, please.)
As Nightwing gets them in the middle of the action, maybe it would be nice if this second guy carried something, which he dropped, when he saw Nightwing. – Just an idea, no offense

The change of scene back to Batman is completly clear. Well done.

“Bruce says, as he jumps out of the window….” - “Who is your boss…” as Dick was introduced befor this change is clear. To be on the save side you could add some line of dots or something else here, too.

“Yeah Gotham, that’s it. They…..” “Dick quickly interupts…”. As the man was shot and did not speak anymore Dick did not really interrupt him, I guess ;-) (No offense again.. Just take it as a hint, ok?!)

Dick sees someone “on a far away rooftop” how can he see that this person carries a gun? Secondly: How can he see, it is a woman? As I don’t know Nightwing so well, I don’t know, if he has got such a good sight. It would explain a lot, if he had.

The change of scene to the Mansion works quite well, the change to Barbara unfortunately does not, in my eyes. It was a little confusing for me. By the way: It’s kitchen table, not kichen table, I guess. ;-)

They avoid the cops…. “and try to find a way in” it should be.

Again, from here on, the changes of scene were quite confusing to me.

“Yes, boss.” The man at the desk replies. (This is going to be interesting!! Another big boss in the background whom nowbody knows. )

“Master Bruce is in the den.” He replies as they had to the den... As I am German I am not really shure, but I give it a try. “as they head to the den” In my opinion this should be something like: “Master Bruce is in the den” After they got this answer they headed to where the Batman/Bruce was said to be. (or something alike. “As” does not really seem to fit here)

“said he had forgot…” should be “had forgotten” I guess??

“…but still nothing” maybe it would be better to say: “but still he did not return” or “but he has not yet come back”

“Where are the crystals, Riddler?”, Bruce askes angryly…Another change of scene that was hard to follow in my eyes. Maybe you could add something like: “Meanwhile at…”

“How do you know” Mad Hatter replies. “I know all about you.”
“I know you, too, Hatter" (It seems that both of the replies about knowing him came from Batman adressing the Hatter so you can skip one of them, if I did not get this wrong.)

Have a good time.

Onlyaman

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