Reviews for Raising children and father

Reviews For: Raising children and father

Elena maiden of Gondor 2006-03-20 ch 7,	abuseYeah, their daddy finally came hone! This was a good sequel to the story. The triplets where so cute! And yeah, daddy came home! I know that I've all ready said that but I was glad when he finally did arrive. Is there going to be anymore stories about this family? I hope so.
Amousca 2006-03-06 ch 7,	abuseFinduilas: thank you for your reviews throughout the chapters. It was most kind and generous of you :-) I also edited chapter VII to follow your suggestions. As for an epilogue... well... there isn't an epilogue that goes with this story, but Amousca is a very persistent character. She does seem to pop up in my imagination once in a while to request that I write another part of her life, so yes, besides Lich hunting (featuring other members of the Delryn family...), there is a chance of more of her future to be seen. ;)
Finduilas88 2006-03-06 ch 7,	abuseAhh, a sweet ending! (Or is there a epilogue?) So we finally find out who/what shamed him into returning--good for Ajantis! Hopefully now that Anomen has broken the ice with Samir it will be easier for both of them. A few minor edits: "on the tip of her toes" should be "on tiptoe" (I know, weird English expression.) "sitting in the bed" should probably be "sitting up in bed" In the scene between Ajantis and Anomen, you probably want to use "challenge" rather than "defy", since "challenge" is what you use when you mean "challenge to a duel" Nice story!
Amousca 2006-02-26 ch 6,	abuseThank you Finduilas for your review :-) Well, I have to say for my defence about this "little one" stuff that... well... they're half-elves. So, at thirteen, they can't be very tall - well, at least that's how I imagine half-elves; shorter than humans and aging more slowly. Is this "non-cannon" with D&D? But... I admit maybe they would protest being called "little ones".
Finduilas88 2006-02-26 ch 6,	abuseA good chapter! It's nice to see Anomen making an effort to connect to his children, especially Samir. Of course, the big mystery is what happened to change his attitude so dramatically! One thing that seemed a little off to me, and it may be a cultural thing, is the references to the kids as "little". I don't think of 13 as particularly little, and I know my 11 year old would have something to say if I called her "little one". It would have seemed more natural, IMO, if they had protested being called 'little' or if you said that they would have normally protested, but didn't because they were so happy to see their father. Looking forward to the next chapter! P.S. I loved the reference to Lady Irlana and Cyrando, it was one of my favorite bits of throw-away 'business' in BGII.
Finduilas88 2006-02-18 ch 4,	abuseNice dramatic entrance for our man Anomen. It's a good chapter for piquing the reader's interest in what changed Anomen's mind so suddenly. (I happen to know what it is since I've read this story before, but the structure of the chapter is very nice.) Couple of other comments: "Tiny eye pairs" seems very out-of-place, after all the kids are 13, I doubt their eyes are especially tiny. ;-) Speaking of 'kids', I'd say away from using that word in a period piece like this, it's jarringly anachronistic IMO. Lastly, I think you made mention of the difference in Anomen and Amousa's height three times during this one chapter. Nothing wrong with reminding the readers that she small and he's not, but that seemed a bit excessive.
Finduilas88 2006-02-04 ch 2,	abuseI've actually read this story before...I believe it was posted at another fan site. (Don't worry, I won't give away the ending!) I like the basic story very much; it's nice to see the PC and Anomen all grown up and dealing with kids and the other problems adulthood brings. I can tell from your writing style that English is not your first language, and as much as I applaud your efforts to write in another language, it does present a bit of a problem, IMO. A lot of your phrasing and word choice is non-standard in English, which I find distracting. For instance, you use the phrase "nothing fascinating of her own confession", which isn't wording a native speaker would use. You also use "execrated" which, while technically correct, is IMO a very distracting word choice since there are several simpler and more commonly used words (hated, loathed, despised) that would serve better. I know you wrote this story a while ago, but I think it would really help if you found a Beta reader who could point out problems like that and help you choose more natural sounding phrasing. I hope you don't feel like I'm picking on you, because I really do like your story and your characters. (I'm always a sucker for 'family man' Anomen!) Keep writing! P.S. Unless the kids were planning to make fun of the stables, the word you want is "mucking", not "mocking". :-)
Shara Kortarr 2006-02-04 ch 2,	abuseI really liked your last story and you are off to a great start with this one. I like the way you have portrayed the three children's different personalities and Anomen's reaction to them. You have set the scene really well. Keep it up! - Shara

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