Very nice story, I always enjoy reading stories where the fact that the sailor senshei are evil in canon is emphasized rather than glossed over. There were a few things that bugged me though, forex. Ranma-neko not thinking about the option of telling the senshi that she is being forced to bring them to their enemy and plan with them to attack him, Or the constant use of "wizened" meaning shriveled when I think you meant "wised up", "Realized" or something similar.

Okay, after having read through it I was going to say that the story is good but that you faced two problems. Those two problems were run-on sentences and pacing.

Based on a quick review I have noticed that many of the run-ons I noted before are actually places where you forgot to add a semicolon or something like that. Reading through each chapter from beginning to end after a break from writing will help you to catch these mistakes. For example, "I can completely control you if need be control you to do things that would utterly destroy you" reads much better with a semicolon: "I can completely control you if need be; Control you to do things that would utterly destroy you."

The other problem you have is with pacing. You have all the action and dialogue, but you don't have the emotional reactions or the mid-speech stuff yet. Here's an example from chapter 1 (original):

“Take the rod Ranma of the Black Moon family. Take it and join our crusade!” Ranma was...

And here it is revised:

“Take the rod, Ranma of the Black Moon family! Take it and join our crusade!” the figure commanded. Ranma was...

That simple addition adds a bit of descriptive flair and also lets you convey emotion more clearly in many cases. Mid-speech explanation may seem difficult, or it may seem like it interrupts the flow of the conversation, but it works very well. Example (original):

“Because it is your apartment now. Come on you live in 2A and I’m tired.”

Revised:

“Because it is your apartment now," the cat replied in an annoyed tone. "Come on, you live in 2A and I’m tired.”



Anyway, I hope this helps and I'm not just blowing smoke. You've probably improved a lot more in the sequel already so it might be wasted.

Very clever. If you follow the Japanese way of placing surname first, her name means "hidden Ranma". I like it.

this story is bloody fantastic i beg you please update a.s.a.l.a. = as soon as life allows

This is great! I look forward to the second arc.

Your Sailor Moon timelines are a bit garbled. There is no Chibi-Moon during the time of the Black Moon arc, and they're fighting Droids, not Daimons (Daimons don't come in until the Death Busters arc).

Aside from that, I like the story.

Great Story!!

good, can Neko-ranma uncleanse the cleansed

Phew! What a read! Very well done, bravo! Though we still haven't seen Sailor Angerona's spells, it will be interesting to see what you have planned hun!

Well onto the next book!

This fanfic is nice.

Kudos. The story was well-structured and completed fully. When you do the new arc, it should have a new title, to honor the 'Sailor Moon' aspect of it, but put in some reference to 'Nemesis', since Neko-Ranma _is_ still in it.

I like this, and would perfer that you dont seperate them in to diferent storys.

Please continue with this story! I wanna know what happens! This is like my fav Ranma xover.

Well I know Ranma's never been one to 'punish thy enemies' but I must say the Sailor scouts got off awfuly easy this time. They were willing to kill all the other possed people but were crying tears over some one fighting back against Dark lady, a leader of the whole thing.

Then it seems like moon cleansed several of Ranma's friends, and you didn't seem to indicate Ranma was able to cure them with his new powers either. The scouts didn't even get a talk about how bad such a thing was, so he basicaly left murderous viliganties run around free. I expected them to at least make them forget their the senshi, steal their henshi sticks or something to at least disable them.

Cause whats left now is all the Inner senshi are worse then most Fan fiction portrals of the outer senshi, willing to kill anyone for their goals.

A really interesting and well written story.
I like it, that you show a Crystal Tokyo built on brainwashing Yuri (from Command & Conquer Red Alert 2 Yuris Revenge) would consider as well done. And that the Senshi do not consider brainwashing as wrong.
In my opinion it is a good fact that Ranma became the Senshi of balance. This Senshi is needed here.
I hope that you will find the time to write new chapters for this fic.
Mit freundlichem Gruss
Shaithan